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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Anxious Dater!

2 replies

BE2BN2BE · 10/08/2019 23:32

Hi ladies, I’m back in the world of OLD again 9 months after my horrendous breakup. I honestly never ever thought I would get over my ex, my heart hurt for the longest time. But, I went to counselling, read every book under the sun and actually feel like a better version of myself than I was before I met him. Anyway, through my work I have discovered that I have an anxious attachment style when it comes to relationships (If you have not read the book Attached by Amir Levine then do it. It honestly has changed my whole perspective on myself and the way I behave and why) anyway, I’ve started to see a new guy. We’ve had 4 dates in 2 weeks (possibly another tomorrow) he’s a journalist, lives 15 mins away from me but commutes to London everyday. Super busy, really clever, bloody lovely and I think super keen! But, my brain has gone into super meltdown mode because he’s not a big texter (not a bad thing I know!) he’s gone back to his home town to visit his grandma this weekend and I’ve heard from him 6/7 times throughout the day. We’ve arranged to see each other tomorrow night before I go away for 3 days with the girls and we already have another date planned for next Saturday. I know I’m being crazy, as I type this I can see how stupid it sounds! But, my previous dalliances have left me more anxious then I would like to admit. I’m trying to own it and move forward, but please tell me their are others out there who feel like me?! Thanks all xx

OP posts:
walker05 · 11/08/2019 09:29

I have felt exactly the same as you. All I can say is to try your best to relax; I know it's easy to say. Tell yourself that you want but don't NEED this guy.
If it works out, great, if it doesn't, you will be absolutely fine.
He sounds very keen indeed. The previous guy I was seeing, i'd sometimes only hear once in a day, if that.
All you need to do is keep being yourself. You don't need to try and impress him or do anything differently.
What's meant to be will be. Best of luck :)

Intheheat · 11/08/2019 10:34

He sounds keen. Try to relax and not fixate on how many text you receive. Try turning your phone off for part of the day if you're finding it is dictating your life. There is something demeaning about hanging around waiting to hear from someone so take some control over the situation and don t make yourself available 24/7. Most men like to work for something/Have a bit of a chase. I know that is a cliche but l think it's true. Let him come to you.

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