I like my friend's new boyfriend. Too much.

[Seattlesaviour]

I am in a failing, miserable marriage. We are looking at separation. My DH is cold, insensitive, loveless and thoughtless. I am very lonely.

I met my friend's new boyfriend 2 months ago and I am genuinely thrilled for her as he seems like a very genuine, lovely person. But I have found myself recently feeling I like him a lot. I am sure this is a side effect of him being the total opposite of DH. He is friendly, kind, geninely interested in what I have to say, everything DH is not. I would never ever act upon my feelings and hurt my friend, but the last time I saw them together, I found it a little gut-wrenching, wishing I could be her right now.

How do I deal with my feelings? Each time I see them, I have a great time, I thoroughly enjoy their company, but his- a little too much. I come home to DH and cry that I have to come home to him who cares cery little for what I think and feel. My friend's BF seems to have very similar values so I feel validated around him, which is very different to life at home with condescending DH.

Do I need to accept that this is just a side-effect of life with DH being so miserable or keep my distance from friend and BF to avoid my feelings deepening?

Oh you poor thing! Your problem is your husband whom, you say, cares little for what you think and feel. That needs to be addressed.

Try not to think of your friend's boyfriend; he's pleasant and kind but so would anyone appear to be compared with the emptiness you have at home.

Please sort out your relationship, lay it on the line for your husband and if he doesn't attempt to change - you know what to do. It's not good for you to be unhappy and lonely.

He is highlighting how awful your marriage is you like the idea of him and what he and the relationship he has with your friend and it’s what you want

It’s telling you your marriage is over

Your time will come! This has just shown you how bad your dh is. Get rid of him and enjoy some time on your own and I’m sure you’ll meet someone perfect for you in time. Until then you just have to tell yourself this man is completely off the table. Try telling yourself he’s your brother... !

Get rid of your husband and open your life up for the chsnce of something better. There are plenty of good blokes out there but they, by definition, will give you a wide berth while you remain married.

But also it's kind of positive. There are good men out there. He is an example of a good one. Yours, not so much. But if you wanted a new relationship in the future maybe somebody with similar attributes would be on the cards for you.

Maybe you need to stop hanging out with your friend, while you sort the end of your marriage out.

Op you CAN have a partner who values you and who’s positive tears validates you.
Put your energy into ending your marriage. And blossom into the lovely woman you are.

Yes, ditch your horrible husband and open yourself up to the possibility of meeting someone that’s actually nice to you. You won’t regret it. Good luck!

I think In your friends boyfriend you are seeing what is wrong with your life as a concept .

You probably don’t fancy him , just the concept of him as opposed to what you have .

Remember that all new relationships are bright fun and interesting, give long enough and even your friend won’t seem to be having as much fun as she is now , though she may be perfectly happy. You are just seeing a new relationship which is probably making you pine a bit more x

You are probably friends with your friend for the same reasons too: you feel acknowledged, validated, important and cared for, etc. So if this person was a woman, would you think you like them too much? Or just be really pleased to have such good friends?

Your friends' partners are simply extentions of your friends. Don't fixate on him in such a way or you'll likely lose the support network which will become vital during your breakup.