Being told it’s not normal to be a single mum

[Whenthestormends]

I have the now ex in my mums house to see DD. I’ve kept out of his way, then he finds me to say that I think that being a single mum is normal when it’s not.. reminded him that it’s better than being in a dysfunctional relationship. Oh and I’ve embarrassed him, that’s I’ve had this all planned as all I want is a baby and child maintenance! That I should go back to the GP for PND.

6 years of emotional abuse and I’m so happy I am free, i still feel stressed but I just feel a weight has gone. EX has said he’d be contacting his lawyers for access even though I’ve said we should try to get arrangements sorting between ourselves, the lawyer statement was in response. So I’ve just said fine I’ll wait to hear from your lawyers, to which he went silent. Oh an up hill battle ahead for me but has to be better than staying, right?

@Whenthestormends

So the berating you has not worked so he has just changed tactics that's all. Stay strong for your DD and yourself

I agree with the above. He’s changing tack cos he didn’t get anywhere. My ex told me he’s gonna go for 50:50 residence. Won’t happen. It was just something to throw at me. So I ignore.
Learn the power you have x

@31RueCambon thank you for the video links, I’ve already started watching a few and they’ve been helpful.

@ParrotsForLife there is no way he would want her 50:50, he has little to no patience but he knows how much I love her. What I don’t think he expected was for me to tell him to go through the lawyers. I won’t be held hostage any longer and I damn well fight for my babies best interests.

Yes when my ex was still in the house he accused me of 'never letting him see DD' - he'd trot this line out if we nipped out to school to pick DS up or if I took her to the shops (to escape the god-awful atmosphere). After he moved out it was weeks and weeks and weeks before he saw her - and that was because I arranged it! 5 years later and he now sees her on a Saturday afternoon once a fortnight because he 'can't afford the petrol' to see her every week. He lives a 20 minute drive away.

The point I am very long-windedly trying to make is that he will say anything to hurt you/get you on edge/be scared. If that doesn't work he'll pretend to be nice. It's all bullshit! Keep strong Best thing I ever did was chuck his sorry arse out so my youngest DCs don't grow up thinking his toxic behaviour is part of a normal relationship.

Can you imagine he blamed me indirectly for the car accident he had last week. But he is still asking to speak to me about ‘us’ and asking how I am and if DD and I have slept well.

So sorry to post this but just find it helps to write it all out to remind myself he doesn’t mean it. Because who could go from getting lawyers, calling me crazy and saying I’ve had this planned to I don’t want to lose you. Right now I hate him so much and yet I want to cry.

Keep going, you’re doing just fine. Ignore every attempt to engage about your relationship. Even if that means walking off mid sentence when he invariably switches the conversation. You have to remain consistent, or you risk the danger of him getting in your head. He is always will be ‘give an inch, take a mile’ kind of person.

Right on cue cards incidents (and how you felt) where you look back now and realise how toxic the relationship was. So when the panic comes over, you can reach out and read in black and white, why you left and will never go back.

It’s a marathon, not a sprint. With every day passed you will feel stronger because you will have more space to be you and not that shadow of your former self that you were with him.

Congratulations on getting out of a bad situation.

Keep going OP

You're doing really well not responding to his crap.

I am glad I do keep of log of things. This weekend he turned nice. Telling me he loves me, wants us to be a family and admits he probably wasn’t the best person to have a child with.. but that he has changed. Now here’s the thing that’s all good and well but he still wants me to go back to a place where I was deeply unhappy and completely isolated. All very nice but I smell bs