Hi all, just after some opinions really. Something my mum said to me a few weeks ago has really bothered me and has made me realise that she isn’t a nice person and just shouldn’t be a mum.
I get married next year - I have been with DH to be since I was 16 and we have been together for 11 years. I was round at her house and she was saying how she needs a “date” to take with her to the wedding and I laughed telling her to put herself out there and consider putting herself on a dating website (for context my mum and dad split when I was 13; messy breakup and I don’t really have a relationship with dad). My mum has been with the same person since the divorce (she met someone new) however she never let him move in with us as she told me and my sister she didn’t want someone to intrude in our lives - and preferred it just the 3 of us (and probably the fact we were both teenagers at the time/emotional age/took the split very hard). Anyhow she has been seeing this guy on and off for the past 14 years - he used to stay over at our house probably once a week and she used to go out with him and get drunk every weekend when I was a teenager whilst me and my sister would stay in. Anyhow this man has told my DM he never wanted to move in with her (even after me and my sister have grown up and moved out). They’ve had a very rocky relationship where he would give my mum NO affection, he stopped wanting sex (I overheard the conversations) and they split up about 10+ times. She would go a few weeks without speaking to him then they would get back together. So, 14 years on, they’re just friends, he never comes over to see my mum, they both just walk their dogs together and that is all. However she is still the same and goes through patches where “she isn’t speaking to him again” (this has happened over 15+ times) then she caves. I understand it is hard to cut contact for someone you have feelings for so I do feel sorry for her.
So I was at her home the other day where we were discussing my wedding next year and how she needs a date. After me suggesting a dating website I asked what the situation is between her and the other guy - she said “oh, we aren’t speaking and I won’t be speaking to him again. He speaks to me like rubbish and I’m not having it any longer”. I rolled my eyes and said “how many times have you said this mum, in the past 14 years this has happened time and time again. I hope you do stick to it, however I bet my house you don’t”. She replies “I will not speak to him again I bet £100 (jokingly)”. I said “ok well I hope not because you have been going round and round in circles for years and friends don’t do this to you, but I just know you will speak in a week or 2”. Her response was “you are marrying someone who cheated on you so who are you to give advice?!”
This was so hurtful. I have been with DH to be for 11 years, and yes, he did cheat on me 3 years ago which I nearly had a breakdown over, lost 2 stone and it honestly destroyed me. My mum was there for me at this time of my life and seen how bad I was. So for her to just say this I was astounded. I just said “okay”.
I have spoken to her since as I don’t want any trouble and she is back speaking to other man... I just said to her “oh ok why ?” And she said “because I needed my car fixed”.
She did the best she could for me growing up; I was not an easy teenager. But I remember we once had an argument and she called me a bitch in front of my friend.
This is a long thread but for her to be “exited” about the wedding then bring up mine and DH’s past has really hurt.