After 3 years, I checked his phone

[Tensmum3]

And it was not pretty. This man has absolutely slaughtered me for the whole 3 years with his paranoia. Accusing me of cheating none stop. Calling me a s*g. My friends are s*gs. Even my mums one too!
I've been nothing but loyal and faithful to him. I've never given him any reason to doubt me. It all came to a head last weekend when I took a stand and went out for a drink with my friend. (Have not been out for 18 months due to this controlling bastard). He made it a living hell with his constant accusations. The next day he dragged me by neck from behind and threw me on the floor bruising my knee.
He went out tonight and came back stinking drunk. Falling all over the floor. And thats when I did it. I saw his phone and I thought "I'm doing it". I've never looked at his phone before but for the past few months I've been thinking there must be more to his constant paranoia. And there they were, his sleazy messages to women on social media. Some of whom know me and know we are together. Which makes it all the more embarrassing. I've been down this road before with my ex partner. The total humiliation. The feeling of everybody laughing at me behind my back at my joke of a relationship. I threw him out on his arse and I'm feeling quite on top of the world at the minute but I know this wont last.
I'll probably end up depressed for a long time like I was with my ex.
Why why why did i not see the red flags and run for the hills!
I don't even know why I'm posting, I guess I'm looking for positivity to keep me in the correct mindset going forward which is "F him he doesn't deserve you, you've been through this before and you can come through it again just fine"
There was a lot more to this farce of a relationship that should of been enough for me to run but no. I stayed. To have my self confidence and worth knocked again.
Help me stay positive MNers

OP I just read your posts and thought ‘am I reading about my ex’?

Not sure why people are questioning your story....

My ex wasn’t quite as bad but constant accusations of my friends being slags/me being like them. Hardly ever went out as I got too much grief. Etc etc. I left him 24 years ago and it was difficult (because of his emotional blackmail) but the relief was incredible and it completely changed my life.

Good luck.... use him as an example of what not to stand for in a relationship.

Why why why did i not see the red flags and run for the hills!.

This is the question that you should spend the next year trying to answer. Did you not do any counselling or work on yourself after your last abusive relationship ended?

Stop blaming yourself, op just stop it and don't let anyone
else blame you either.
You did good, you caught him bang to rights and acted on it, give
yourself a pat on the back.
You've got this, you're doing it right, ok?

He has manipulated you - I've been there, people who do this project their guilt and make you suffer for it. It doesn't matter what it took to finally make you realise, and you will have moments where you question the decision but it was totally the right one! You are free of him, time to focus on you. I think it is probably true that you need to work on your self esteem. You deserve better! ❤️

I threw him out on his arse and I'm feeling quite on top of the world at the minute

This is the best thing in your post.

but I know this wont last.

Make it last..because you're rid of a waste of space in the guise of a man.

I echo doing the freedom programme.

And absolutely nobody is laughing at you, OP. You wouldn't laugh at a friend whose partner came onto you, would you? Me neither, but I wouldn't tell my friend either because I would be running the risk of losing that friend.

My dd was nearly raped by her best friend's fiancé and told her. Her friend believed that dd had made it up, brought off their friendship and went ahead and married the slob. We learn this very early on. Recently another good friend's husband came onto my dd and dd just batted him away and kept it to herself.