I've left... Am I doing the right thing?

[Maternitynurse16]

Sorry this will be long but I'll try not to drip feed. We've been together since Jan 2013 and I moved into his house in may 2013. We've had our ups and downs but it seems to have been good overall. He's always liked a drink how ever I'm not a big drinker. A few times he's gone to the pub after work on a Friday and had a few to drink and driven home. Not pissed but too much to drive. I've always said that I'm 100% against this and we have had arguments and usually him apologising and promising not to do it again. I've always threatened to leave if he's done it again and tonight he's done it again so I've packed a bag and gone to my mum's. I'm feeling numb and not really that sad. He's begged me not to leave and promised he won't do it again blah blah. We've been trying for a baby for the last year with no success which I'm down about. I suppose I'm asking have i done the right thing by throwing away six and a half years tonight?

Sorry for rambling.. I'm really tired but can't sleep!!

Christ, you are only 24! Don't whatever you do shackle yourself to this idiot for the rest of your life, please!

You said he will keep the dog in order to hurt you for leaving him. He's not very kind to you then is he? If he really wanted you back in an adult, loving, unselfless way he would behave differently. You're well rid of him. Drink driving, hiding it and punishing you for standing up for yourself. It's a great shame about the dog but you're well shot of this man.

At 24 you have a whole life to live. The 6 years is not wasted as you will have learnt and grownup. It is a perfect age to start again, this time wiser and more confident about yourself.

A life with a drinker is not good and likely to get worse. He will eventually get caught so the reality is your nice life would be him being arrested, police, court, newspaper notuce and a driving ban for 1-3 years.

How would your life look then as I assume he needs his car for work? Would you be forced to drive him everywhere??

Lucky escape..he is probadly a problem drinker as the warning signs are there. Normal drinkers (those who don't have problems) don't drink & drive.

Hold firm..this is a major step in your life. If you know he will take the dog to hurt or punish you, then you also know he isn't a good man at heart. A very big reason to leave.

Thank you guys for the reassurance. I'm a bit scared to be on my own. But as you say 24 is the perfect age to start over. He does need his car for work but could afford not to work so I don't think that is enough of a deterrent for him. But it shouldn't need a deterrent it's wrong and illegal end of. I'm sticking by my decision!

Well done! You are very sussed and will definitely do better withour him!

I would give him another chance. He's clearly devoted to you and maybe you staying with your mum will give him the wake up call that he needs??

I don't know. It's a tough one. Good luck with whatever you decide

But not devoted enough to not drink drive nearly every Friday resulting in the same arguement and broken promises. Every time I say I will leave if he does it again and this time I've meant it even though I love him I can't live like this forever

Sorry to hear you're in this situation, it'd probably be a deal breaker for me too.

What about some sort of compromise? If he's so well off, why can't he leave the car and get a taxi home, pick the car up the following day.

We live quite rurally so taxi would have to be pre-booked and that gives him a time limit that he won't stick to...

His issue is needing to drink when socialising, even though he knows he intends to drive home. And despite having promised not to. This means either
a) he'll 'say amything for a quiet life' ie dishonest and disrespectful, or
b) he can't control his drinking when he is out.

Neither sounds like the basis for a good relationship, nevr mind having kids together, and meither can be 'compromised' over as op has done zero per cent wrong. He clearly can't /won't soet his illegal, dangerous shit out. So why does OP have to accept it? She shouldn't, she hasn't, and she won't. His coming round and pleading/ banging on the door/incessant texting just shows him up even more to be self-absorbed and entitled. He needs to go away and grow up. OP is doing exactly the right thing by leaving him behind.

Oh sorry, I'd missed that it's every Friday night.

This may not be a popular view but if it were me I would actually plan to have the police catch him. If you know the pub and the time he will leave, the police should be able to catch him. I had to do this once with a friend who got so drunk every weekend that she could barely stand up but always got into her car and drove home. Reasoning didn't work, talking didn't work and eventually our friendship group decided that she had to be stopped, she was a danger to herself and others. She was caught three times over the limit and banned for two years. It's caused a lot of issues in her life but as a responsible adult I certainly think it was the right call.