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Relationships

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Original poster

Lying DH

10 replies

crispysausagerolls · 09/08/2019 22:05

How much lying do people think is recoverable from their husband? Like if they lie to avoid conflict or avoid an argument, where is the line drawn?

Eg - “I did hang my towel up” - 2 mins later you see it’s not hung up
Vs
“I didn’t email that colleague who fancies me” - you find out that they did.

OP posts:

Tryingtoocope · 09/08/2019 22:14

A hung up towel can fall down so they might be telling the truth there. What are your boundaries? For me it would be the pursuit of something in their mind that would be better

MyHeartIsInCornwall · 09/08/2019 22:26

For the towel part it would depend on how many times this happens to your OH, in particular. As for the email...it would depend on what the email was about. Work related, fine. Not work related, then this would be a red flag for me to have some concern about. Particularly since they lied about it.

IamtheOA · 09/08/2019 22:29

Oooh, I hate lies....

The second would bother me hugely, but actually, if they are deliberately lying about stupid stuff like towels ( assuming it didn't fall ) then that's just lying for lying sake. There's no reason for it.

So..... both really.

Original poster

crispysausagerolls · 09/08/2019 22:56

But I suppose I mean, examples or not, if someone lies so much about small or medium stuff, to your face, how can you trust them at all?

OP posts:

IamtheOA · 11/08/2019 09:01

I wouldn't

drspouse · 11/08/2019 09:14

I have to put my hand up to the odd "I'm positive I locked it, must have been you that left it open" when I know I shouldn't but I simply forgot.
Other stuff - if you don't trust him, that's a much deeper issue. I don't tell DH everything I do by a long chalk. There was once a male colleague who started off at our office making the odd "that dress looks lovely on you" type remarks. I gave him the side eye, he stopped, I didn't tell DH, no reason.
If the colleague had continued and had made me uncomfortable, I'd have told DH and probably told the colleague to stop.

walker05 · 11/08/2019 09:22

Honestly, I think if they lie frequently, even about little things then it isn't a good sign at all. There may be circumstances in which someone lies to protect your feelings or to protect you from getting hurt.
But even lying about silly little things would be an issue for me.

MollyButton · 11/08/2019 09:27

The first kind of lie should lead to you examining your own behaviour. Do you explode over towels not hung up so much that people will do anything to placate you?

And yes if someone if that worried to lie in the first way, the second could be quite innocent.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 11/08/2019 11:44

If my DP was of the "I am checking on you constantly to see if you live up to my standards"-persuasion, I'd be 'telling lies', too, or run for the hills.

ChristmasFluff · 11/08/2019 12:20

If someone lies about 'small or medium stuff' I wouldn't have married them.

Liars see no value at all in the truth. Most people would rather tell the truth than lie, unless it is for 'good' reason, because they recognise that truth is valuable. Liars will just as easily lie as tell the truth - it's all the same to them, because truth has no value to them. They see no point in not lying.

So what you have to look at is whether there is any point in lying about the towels, for example. If he lied so you wouldn't kick off majorly about nothing, then that is totally different to if it was just an example you plucked out of thin air.

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