Being a single mum with no family around?

[Sukisim]

I am about to become a single mother of 2 young children. I am very worried as I have no family around to help me, my DM visits once a month for 2 days which will relieve a bit of the loneliness but not the load-we tend to spend the time all together as I miss her when she's not around.

DH will have shared responsibility, although they will likely be in my care much more, particularly over-night as one DC is a breastfed baby.

I am very anxious about how I will cope with a few things and I am looking for advice on:

How I will get myself ready in the morning before work/nursery drop offs- baby is very clingy and into everything. I can't live him alone for more than a few minutes and he wont be strapped into a chair or go in a playpen without screaming?

Mental space- eldest DC is a chatterbox and never stops. How do I cope without any mental space whatsoever during the day time for several days on the trot?

Lack of sleep- currently DH will help when baby is teething during the night etc. How will I cope when it's just me?

Adult stimulation- I work in an office alone for most of the day, how do I cope when I am the only adult at home and I've no-one to talk to at the end of the day about my day?

Many thanks.

I’m alone with 4 ex is absent so no help at all. I don’t have family who help either. I think you just get use to it tbh as there is no alternative, that’s the only advice I have really sorry not more practical but you really just get use to it! I still find the mornings like school run hectic, and I personally found it easier when my youngest was a newborn, now she’s a toddler it’s a lot harder but you just do it because you have to.

I am a single parent without help from anyone. My parents have died and I don't have anyone I can rely on. My DDs dad has always been good with shared childcare responsibilities, which has helped massively.
At times it has been difficult but as children get older it does get easier.

You get yourself up earlier and get yourself dressed first. You do things like ha it washing while they are asleep.

You use free childcare if they are over 3 and don't ever feel guilty about putting the eldest into an extra day for your sanity even if you aren't at work. It is paramount that you look after yourself.

Sometimes you will have to put your youngest into a play pen, he will scream, but if you don't go to him. He will learn he's into a losing battle. He won't harm himself from screaming.

Re a lack of sleep. I think that this is just normal for any mum going into work who have small children! Be kind to yourself. It won't always be like this.

Go to baby groups for adult conversation. Meet friends for coffee. I'm assuming that you either work part time??

Multi task, whilst children are in the bath, clean the sink and toilet etc!

You can do this. It's hard work, but it does get so much easier x

Should add but now is the time to start making friends if you don’t already have any which sounds the case? Maybe I’m wrong, go to baby groups etc, wish I had made more of an effort to make friends as it really is lonely and isolating

Some great advice. I have friends,but perhaps need to lean on/meet up with them more now. DH is still in the house for now which is making things harder, but also a bit wary of asking him to leave sooner incase I can't cope with the mornings by myself. At the moment, he gets the kids ready and I just sort myself out (he showers the night before and I shower in the morning). So it will be a big shock to the system.
I work part-time.

Why are you splitting up? Is there no chance to work on it? The situation sounds miserable, or can you move to where your family are?

I’m single mum and no family around. It’s hard. I have let some standards drop in terms of self grooming and getting ready but ultimately I’m not trapped in a dead marriage anymore.
Getting ready in the morning is the least of my worries and that sort of thing improves as they get older anyway.
Good luck

I brought up five, nearest family 350 miles away.

If I can do it, as the world's most chaotic person, then you can. Make friends (who will help keep you sane), don't worry about the house being pristine, just hang in there and it will get better as they get older.

Four of mine went to Uni, all are employed in professional jobs, being a single mother without help doesn't damn your family. You just need to do what you can and let other stuff go.

I did it with an extremely clingy baby . You just have to find your way . Get as much organised in the evening shower etc at night .

Baby also learn so long as he is safe can cry for a while .

Get out the house every day even if it’s to the park . Meet up with friends when you can .

Find your own short cuts . You can do it because you will . Tv can also be your friend here .

The mental space is really the toughest part - as well as no social life! (absent ex/no family around).

It is much tougher when they're younger. Now mine is older, she understands I need some 'me' time and will agree to go outside for an hour or play in her room while is sit with a book and cup of tea. She's also at an age (tween) where she's happy to be alone at home for a few hours while I go shopping or meet friends for a meal.

Yours sound very young, but you'll be able to get that mental space when they are with their dad. On the days they are with you, I'm not sure you'll always get it. Prepare yourself for that in advance by planning something really nice for yourself on the days they're with their dad.