Advice needed

[Yorkshiregirl1986]

To cut a long story short I have recently separated from my husband after several years of being in a controlling and verbally abusive marriage. There were times I tried to end it but always ended up taking him back. Things changed when I started a new job and started having feelings for someone. Again to cut a long story short, we both admitted finding each other attractive, and we ended up kissing one night.
I know how this all sounds but I didn't get to this point easily, it was after years of being made to feel crap and my confidence at rock bottom. The guy knew about my relationship problems and we had chatted about it all a lot.
It took falling for this other man to make me realise how I could no longer continue with my marriage and I ended it with him.
My husband found out about this man and ended up phoning him, asking him what was going on etc..
Since then this guy has kept his distance and I don't know how he feels about me.
I don't know if I feel ready to jump into a serious relationship anyway, but I really like him. Do you think he's now running a mile, or just needs time?

We still chat and I know he still fancies me but he's definitely been keeping his distance. So confused!

Anyone?!

Have you asked him?

No because he knows how I feel about him, I don't want to come across as being super needy. When it all kicked off in his texts he said he didn't want to be caught up in the middle of anything. I guess he's just terrified and now keeping his distance? I think I need to play it super cool from now on and if he likes me it's up to him to make a move.

If you've only just separated from your husband then why not let the dust settle? Take time to heal from this controlling relationship. This new man may be very wary of your husband contacting him again and probably doesn't want to get caught up in this unpleasant, difficult situation.

Yes I know I think you're totally right, it's just so hard when you like someone so much. I need to keep occupied and take my mind off him. I hate liking someone this much and leaving myself so vulnerable after everything.

I’d agree with heyday.

To him, you’re freshly split up. To you, you’ve probably been single in your heart for a while and are ready to move straight on. But not to him – to him it’s still messy.

I’d play it normal with him. Chat and tell him what you’re up to. Have you moved out physically yet? Is it all over with your ex, anything left to be sorted out? Get all that done and keep the lines of communication open. Beginnings of relationships matter because we want to show our best – in this case, this is probably that you’re not desperate, that you’re sorted and behave appropriately. Get on with that and then I bet things open up with the new guy in time. Good luck xxx

Thank you so much for all your advice, much appreciated . My husband moved out a few weeks ago, I feel so much happier and wish I had done this year's ago. I need time to heal and think about myself and what I want and need, and then maybe I'll feel ready for a relationship. This man may not be right for me anyway but he was definitely a catalyst for me making a positive change. It's so easy to transfer your feelings on to someone else and want someone to love you. I need to start loving myself first I think.

Aww xx you probably DO need some headspace to just hash thro the last couple of years.