I wasn't invited to my dm's wedding..

[MouldyApple]

I was pondering this recently, I've never shared it with anyone before so would be interested to hear other's opinions. When I was 8 my dm walked out on my df & left us kids behind. We saw her occasionally afterwards for day trips etc. When I was 12 she announced that she was getting married again to her new partner Peter who we were well acquainted with. I was excited & I wanted to wear a long pretty dress & be a bridesmaid even though it was a registry office do. I personally felt I was guaranteed the bridesmaid spot since I was her only daughter..

Not only was I not allowed to be a bridesmaid but I wasn't actually allowed to attend the ceremony! nor my sibling - on the grounds of the room being 'too small'. My mother's sister & her two dc (8 & 6yrs) attended (my aunt/cousins) & I met them at the party afterwards - a low key knees-up at my mum's new house. Allegedly, the room could only hold 12 people. I had a strong feeling at the time that she didn't want the other wedding guests/registrar to see she had kids. (the shame of it being a 2nd marriage). This was in the early 80s. Personally, I think I should have been one of the most important guests and a bridesmaid. I can't imagine side-lining my own dc in the same way. I had not been naughty, there was no back-story.

What d'you think?

Can you ask her?

I’ve seen a thread recently where the other parent refused to allow the children to attend the wedding - could that have occurred? The compromise being you attended the party.

I was also not invited to my mums wedding, or my dads. On my mums wedding day I stayed home to look after my mentally disabled sister. On my dads wedding day I was a bit older and went to the pub.

I've never really thought about it, they were both 2nd (and 3rd) weddings, the venues were small and I guess they had friends who really wanted to be there but I was indifferent I guess.

Anyway, your situation sounds like maybe your DM just isn't that maternal? She left you all after all. Doesn't mean she doesn't love you of course but I guess there's a chance she doesn't/didn't really want the children from a past relationship there "rocking the boat".

Move past it and make sure you are better to your own children.

She let my younger cousins attend though. Who does that?

I can't ask her Mrs because we're NC now.

Ahhh I’m afraid I often try to see the best in people but if you’ve made the difficult decision to go NC then you perhaps already know she’s either not maternal or is a selfish person perhaps?

Thinking about it might not be too good for you as you’ll never get an answer.

Same scenario here mother left when I was 7. Not even told both parents had remarried. Complicated. Both my parents are dead now. I advise you to put it in the past and move on for a happy life.
I mourn the childhood and parent care that I didn’t have.

I only found out my father had remarried after he sent us a photo
Parents can be shitty

My parents married in the ‘80s. I was 3 and wasn’t invited. Everyone else in the family was there, as were close friends. Apparently I was always very well behaved at that age; so that’s no excuse. To make matters worse, they had to leave me with someone (out-with family and close friends), so I was left with a friend of a friend and I cried the whole day!

Cos she’s a knob - that’s why you are NC with her now.

Mouldyapple she literally could not face seeing you there knowing what she had done ie left you kids and walked out . It was pure guilt and pretence . Sad woman .

What sort of a mother leaves her children behind? And it sounds like she didn't improve with time if you are now NC. With normal circumstances and a normal mother you were absolutely right to expect to be at the wedding. 12 people was more than enough to include those who should be the most important people in her life, her DC.
However I think you now know she is not what a mother should be like. I am sorry that you had to put up with her neglect as a child, children deserve more. I hope time will help you heal.