Advice

[Pottermore44]

Ok, so I know how much everyone is going to hate me for this, and I honestly there is no one more ashamed than I am.

A few years ago I had an affair, I knew he was married so I cannot use naivety as an excuse, I was at my very lowest ebb of my life however and he relentlessly pursued me. Unbeknown to me at the time, he is a serial cheat and has done this for years, but again all of that is really irrelevant I know what I did was a terrible thing.

It stopped as quick as it started and to the best of my knowledge no one ever knew or found out.

However I have been invited to an event next week, which I long ago accepted and now cannot say I am not attending. I have just found out he will be there with his wife, its highly likely we will be sat on the same table. I feel beyond sick with it, I cannot bear to attend knowing what I did.

Has anyone got any advice.

I'd probably invent a stomach big on the day.

Bug not big

Thank you, I thought similar but worried I would be letting the other people down.

Break your leg, for real.
You wouldnt believe what I did to get out of homework and school when I was a kid.

It was years ago: stop giving it/him power over you. Go, there'll be other people at the table so talk to them, avoid talking alone with him or getting drunk.

It might make him shit himself to see you, so all good.

Thank you, its not really him I am not really bothered about. I just don't know how to sit there and make small talk with his poor wife. I will feel so guilty (as I should I know)

Of course you can say you're not attending!

What would happen if you did not go?

The world wouldn't end I don't suppose but my place has been paid for and meal etc and I have confirmed 3 times. I think I could maybe pull a sickie but not tell them before hand I am not going.

I feel terrible no matter which way I look at it

Are you driving ? Your car could 'breakdown'?
Miss the train?
Food poisoning?
Dead grandparent?
Burst pipes?

Does he know you are going?

I wonder if he is on another thread asking for advice on how to get out of it. I suspect he'll be trying far harder than you to pull a sickie.
I seriously doubt he'll be there, at least with his wife anyway.
I bet the prick is sweating bullets

@parent999 I would assume he would have found out or heard I was going but I really can't be sure.

I really hate him and if it was just him I would hard face it but I don't think I can do that if his wife is there. My nerves are shot and I am a terrible liar and will look guilty as sin.

I think @goingdownsouth I will have to do tummy bug

Thank you, its not really him I am not really bothered about. I just don't know how to sit there and make small talk with his poor wife. I will feel so guilty (as I should I know)

I'm sorry but I have zero sympathy for you and I'm surprised other MN users are happy to help ease your guilt.

You say his poor wife yet I bet she wasn't on your mind when you were banging her husband.

Seems like you've come up with the stomach bug to help you get out of the event.

@butterflyone1 I deserve that.

I wasn't trying to ease my guilt, I was just trying to work out what to do for the best. Whether I should attend the event or not. I know what I did was a terrible thing

To be honest OP I would still go! You were single, young & naive and HE pursued YOU, not the other way around! Men like him prey on young girls because they know they are an easy target. You have since grown in maturity, realised it was a big mistake and taken responsibility! I would not feel awkward in the slightest. Be mature and front it out. Don’t even let him get into your personal space or breath the same air! It will put the wind right up him and he will be the one feeling awkward! At the end of the day he was the person who owed it to his wife to stay faithful!

Men like him prey on young girls because they know they are an easy target.

Did I miss where OP gave her age?

OP, it’s a wedding isn’t it? Let’s not pretend you feel bad for his wife. But if you don’t think you can handle it then pull a sickie.

But the wife won't know why you're uncomfortable or what you're feeling. She won't be thinking about you at all.

Also, you don't know you'll be on the same table.

And maybe you should feel that guilt and sit with those feelings, and see that woman as a real person. Think of it as your penance. If it's a wedding it's a bit rude to pull out just because you can't face up to your past.

OP I see everyones point of view on this, you did a terrible thing but you do acknowledge it and hopefully have learnt from it and would never do it again. Irrelevant to any of that however you do have to move on.

If it's a one off event and unlikely you are going to ever have to see him again then maybe pull the sickie, however you cant keep doing this for the rest of your life either, especially not if you could interact in the future.

In regards to his wife, you will feel awful but if she really had no idea like someone else said she wont be thinking anything about you.

Equally if he is a serial cheat she might already know.

I dont think any of that helped you really, but I do think you need to forgive yourself, only you can decide if you are going to the event.