Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex doing more parenting now than when we were together

15 replies

Booboostwo · 09/08/2019 10:53

Somehow, during the last eight years, Ex had managed to dump on me all the practical and emotional load of dealing with the DCs, pets and house. We only split up six weeks ago, but since he wants 50:50 contact (fine by me), he now does loads more parenting than he ever did before.

Frankly, it is bliss! I get time to myself, I can do sports, have picked up a hobby and have done loads of work. Isn’t it ironic that it took a divorce for him to parent?

OP posts:
G389 · 09/08/2019 11:32

Yes this happened with my ex, it’s as if he now wants to prove that he is superdad. I’m glad he spends more time with the children but also annoyed as he used to leave everything to me. It’s good to know that he has found out how working, housekeeping and entertaining children can be so tiring. He used to seem resentful that I was always so tired when we were together.

pebblemix · 09/08/2019 11:45

Great stuff OP. I find it really sad that it takes a split to make them step up. Is it just laziness? Why does it work that way? I find it bizarre. Why not just pull your weight in the relationship

OhioOhioOhio · 09/08/2019 11:52

This happened to me too. It was un fucking believable.

I used to cry and beg for him to spend time with us. Even Christmas Eve, he was so busy. Not now. Somehow the time magically appeared.

Bastard.

But yes. I do love the rest. And I never got one at all before.

minny80 · 09/08/2019 12:19

Same here, I remember sitting on the floor next to DS bed to make him sleep the evening I was out of hospital after surgery Envy. Now he is much more involved (50/50) although already in his second serious relationship since we split up (less than 2 years ago). No looking back, my son is happy, I have some time to offload and maybe meet someone who deserves me Smile

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 09/08/2019 12:23

Same here.

ukgift2016 · 09/08/2019 12:25

Same here.

I think the reason they are like that is due to their lack of respect and love for their partner.

YerAWizardHarry · 09/08/2019 12:29

Yup, settled into true 50/50 custody over the past year (been separated 5 years) and its great being able to plan ahead, weekends away with DP, concerts etc. Probably helps ex has a child with his new partner now so they're doing it anyway. I think our DS is actually a big help in keeping his younger sibling occupied

Original poster
Booboostwo · 09/08/2019 12:43

Spot one ukgift2016 ! I always felt unloved when he could literally sit there and watch me run around like a headless chicken trying to do everything.

I did 8 years without a lie in because apparently his metabolism couldn’t adjust to early mornings...h had to wake up at 6am to work the other day because he had the DCs.

OP posts:
LexMitior · 09/08/2019 13:29

It’s because they are lazy sexist pigs who reckon it’s all women’s work. Once they face the idea of child maintenance, then apparently it has actual value to them.

Such men show they care about money, not their partners or children.

Relish the freedom!

OhioOhioOhio · 09/08/2019 13:37

Yes. Unloved. My stbxh is an absolute horror of a person. I look at his wrinkly beadie face and wonder how it ever happened.

Linseedlill · 09/08/2019 13:39

Call me cynical but could it be there is more "kudos" for a bloke who "looks after" his own DC by himself. It makes himlook good! Not the case for a single parent mum unfortunately.

TheSheepHaveEyes · 09/08/2019 13:39

Same here, although he only has them two nights per week at the minute. He showed no interest in Facebook either, until he started to post things about what fun he is having with our children after we split. Everyone thinks he's the best dad in the world, but I know the truth. He is being a 'Disney Dad'. I just let him get on with it.

OvalCanvas · 09/08/2019 13:42

Yep. Exh was the same.

When he started having the kids eow I took up running and started spending hours sitting in Costa and reading on my weekends off of work. It made me realise how much I sacrificed to be with him those 10 crappy years.

PicsInRed · 09/08/2019 13:54

If they were useless, they suddenly step up because:

  1. They don't want to pay child support; and/or
  2. They have any old a woman cohabiting who will do most of the drudge work for them and/or
  3. You'll find you're actually still doing everything but basic feeding, clothing and housing. They haven't stepped up. Still useless.
RLEOM · 09/08/2019 13:55

My DD's dad has always been brilliant with her but was THE most laziest of men when it came to looking after his flat. Now we've split and he has to have her at the weekends, he's really sorted himself out in regards to looking after his place. And although I'm sad he didn't do it when we were together, I'm proud of him for stepping up to his responsibilities. ❤

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread