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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dumping or Dumped; Moving On

8 replies

rightdecision · 09/08/2019 08:54

I have been married for 20 years with 2 DC. I met an old school friend who is also married while on a solo holiday in November and we hit it off so well. I left a day later to return home and we carried on chatting BIG time, I am talking about 4 hours a day.

I have grown to really like this OM and it has nothing to do with my marriage as my DH is lovely but guess after 20 years it is just same old life routines. I loved the excitement of talking to this OM and I suppose the reminder of what it is like to date someone.

2 months ago, the calls started dying down. He stopped calling everyday and sometimes 3 days on end. I texted him to say that I was done with him. He was really upset by the fact that I did this over text as it is really disrespectful. I apologised for this and we kind of got back on track but the calls were still no longer regular.

He mentioned that he hasn't had sex for a long time as he doesn't sleep with his wife. I asked him why, and he gave a vague answer about his mind not being up to it with her. (searching for clues!)

Long story short 5 days ago I called but he didn't answer my calls so I texted him to say I am sorry but I just can't do this anymore. He replied about 4 hours later with a picture of him in a hospital bed and all he said was "thanks for everything". I sent several messages saying sorry and asking if we can talk but I haven't had a reply. I deleted his number so I don't have to send anymore messages.

I feel bad for dumping him via text as I know it is dis-respectful. At the time I was having PMS and hurting emotionally so I just did it.

However there just didn't seem a point anymore as I had started feeling like he no longer cared and just kept me there.

Good thing I never slept with him or even kissed. I know this probably still makes it an emotional affair which is wrong but sometimes you can't help who stirs up feelings in you plus this was never planned.

I am really missing him yet I know it was never going to go anywhere as I would never leave my DH.

How do I move on?

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 09/08/2019 08:58

How about you start planning something exciting to do with your dh?

rightdecision · 09/08/2019 09:01

Thank you Aussiebean. I asked DH if we can have sexy August - basically explore our love languages. He loves sex so I said we are going to do it everyday for the whole month. My love language is words of affirmation (guess that is why I got caught up in this EA) so I am hoping DH can also make an effort

OP posts:
HotChocolateLover · 09/08/2019 09:06

Will this happen again with someone else?

Lweji · 09/08/2019 09:14

FFS

rightdecision · 09/08/2019 09:16

HotCholoateLover I hope to dear God, never again. I am disgusted with myself as I know it is just so wrong. My DH deserves better than this.

OP posts:
FuriousVexation · 09/08/2019 09:25

I think you need something to occupy your time. If you've been chatting 4 hours a day with OM then I'm assuming you don't work, or only work part time. Getting a full time job in something that engages you would work wonders ime. Plus if your dh finds out about your emotional affair and dumps you, you'll not be panicking about "Oh fuck I Need a job"

TheStuffedPenguin · 09/08/2019 09:39

You sound as if you are 16 not someone with 20 years of marriage under their belt .

Pinkmonkeybird · 09/08/2019 09:48

Hmm You are so right, your DH deserves better.

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