Last weekend I had an end-of-the-world-style show down with my DM over issues that have been snowballing over some time.
The centre of the storm is my only sibling (DSis). We are both in our 30s albeit at opposite ends and have had our normal share of ups and downs, but with time I learnt to just step back and asked fewer Qs so she didn't think I was interfering. This seemed to work.
I then got married a few years ago and moved to another city (few hours away from family).
Since getting married I've noticed my DS's attitude towards me slowly shift. It went from being excited to visit and staying in touch to utter disdain - this was usually demonstrated passive aggressively, I'd often be left out of the loop in whatever went on in her life, every now and again I'd be completely ignored, when she would visit with DM it was obvious she was just there as a chauffeur for mum and was compelled to be there. I don't know why she started to resent me so much. I genuinely don't know what I did. I was just getting on with having an amazing time with DH. On occasion when the ignorance became too much, i sent her texts to say that although we don't need to be close, I do require some respect/dignity and that she should be honest about what she wants/doesn't want from me. I've never had a response.
Now the real problem begins when my DM, being witness to all the drama between us, still expects me to bend backwards for DSis - often guilt tripping me. Most of this has been bearable until DSis got engaged and we started arranging the wedding. I was run ragged trying to help with every part of the wedding, often both DM and DSis dropping things on me last minute and having no regard for the fact that I have a DH to think about. Her dismissive treatment of me hadn't changed and it was clear I was being used but I helped out as much as I could and do only what I wouldn't feel resentful about after. Even so, a huge argument erupted and I was accused of being a shit sister and not helping out. I was then ignored until the wedding day where she told me that I just misunderstood her! That's all!
DM told I should just let go of the past and start a fresh as the dynamics would change now she's also married.
I tried to show warmth and kindness (taking her out, had the couple over for dinner) and extended an open invite to my home if she ever needed it. Since then however, I've been ignored again, meanwhile I hear (from DM) that she is expecting. She has also been incredibly rude to my DM and ignored her too. DM has decided to forgive and forget (as she always has) in the same vicious cycle with DSis where it's gets so intolerable that she sweeps all the issues under the carpet and they carry on as if nothing happened. Especially so now that she is going to become a DGM!
I've decided to draw a line with DSis and walk away from her resent, hatred and disregard of me. However my DM and I keep clashing as she refuses to take any responsibility in this. I feel DM also was active in using me when i served a purpose for my sis and never stood up for me. DM was aware of what has been going on and just kept guilt tripping me to continue but now everything is done - DM's opinion is that it's not her problem, and DSis and I should go our separate ways.
All the while DH and I have been dealing with some serious infertility problems ourselves and are going through a really challenging time.
So sorry for the long story. But AIBU to cut both of them out of my life?