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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Getting fed up!

4 replies

Omlette121 · 08/08/2019 14:08

My boyfriend has been married before, they had a rocky relationship and separated around 4 years ago, we've been together for 2.5 years now.
They are amicable for their children's sake and myself and the ex wife have no issues and have met several times at things for the kids with no dramas at all. I've never been married and dont have children of my own. sometimes I do struggle to get my head around his past and feel a little insecure about the fact that he's been married before despite the fact that I know the actual marriage was nothing to be jealous about and clearly didn't work out. (I suffer with anxiety anyway and this does not help with my rational thinking 😂)
Although he never makes me feel bad awkward about it, I can't say the same for his family sometimes!
Yesterday we were at his brothers wedding and I was chatting to two of his aunts who id never met before. They felt the need to bring up my boyfriends wedding, saying that it was the last family wedding they'd been to and then went on to describe it and discuss the venue etc....this conversation was only the three of us and it made me feel so uncomfortable but I was polite about it and laughed it off with him after, however I then felt very small and worthless for the whole day because I then felt as though it didn't matter to people how I might have felt about being part of that conversation and it just made me feel like a bit of a joke.
His parents dislike partners ex due to her behaviour within the marriage but this hasn't stopped them dropping absolute clangers either and started conversations about boyfriends honeymoon with his ex etc when we are in a small group which doesn't make me feel great!
Am I normal to feel hurt by instances such as this and do others who are with men previously married feel this way or am I just an anxiety fuelled weirdo lol?

OP posts:
Parent999 · 08/08/2019 14:16

For me it would depend on the way they are talking, is it in a positive, neutral or negative way that they recount these previous experiences?

Omlette121 · 08/08/2019 14:20

Mostly negative or just neutral noones ever raved about it or that really would do my fruit lol! I just don't know if it's necessary for them to be bringing it up at all really and just makes me feel very awkward and uncomfortable!

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/08/2019 14:22

I wouldn't worry about the two old aunts at all; just tactless and gossipy.

As for his family, they sound tactless too but it doesn't sound directed at you. If they are saying how much they don't like his ex. it almost sounds as though they are trying to show they are not on 'her' side.

I wouldn't say you're an 'anxiety fuelled weirdo'; I just think you're overthinking this a bit.

If you're happy with DP and his family are happy with you two being together, just ignore slip-ups or start making a joke of them.

PaterPower · 08/08/2019 17:39

Sounds to me like you’re overthinking this.

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