Where do we go from here?

[lovelookslikethis]

We relocated ten years ago, to a new area close to the sea and somewhere we thought we loved. My family and friends were devastated when we moved here at the time and really missed us.

It is very rural, and seemed the perfect place for our children to grow up. We rented a tiny cottage for five years before our move here as holiday home, and for one year afterwards before buying a family home. We have been very, very happy in the most part, making lots of friends at the local village school we quickly settled in.

The problem I have now is my children are no longer small, but teenagers and are in secondary school. They have made their own friends but they all live miles away. It is quite boring for them here in the holidays, as they can't walk anywhere and need lifts everywhere to see friends. There is nothing at all to do here for teens.

I feel very lonely, where once my life was full of school friends and little children, they have since dropped away, moved away, working full time (I work part time) and I hardly see anyone. It is very quiet here, and if I am honest quite isolating.

Looking at the next stage, soon the dc will go to university and will need to get jobs, and I am wondering what jobs would be open to them here?

I come from the south east, it is where I was born and my family all live there, I still have old friends there too. It has great links to London, and I get very homesick when I think of it, and also know that the area would offer much more in the way of things to do and jobs etc.

We are planning to move in the next eighteen months. We live in an old house and it is costing a fortune to run and look after. We are really struggling financially with a change of jobs.
So we have made a decision to move whatever happens so we can live more comfortably, but do I buy another house here knowing that my dc have very limited options here as young adults and I am likely to continue to feel lonely? They need to finish their GCSE etc first one, so leaving imminently is not an option at the moment, we need to wait until they have finished their schooling here. My dc are 15 and 12. Do I rent and then move back once the last child is in uni?

I guess I am worried what older age will look like here. With no family and no old friends in our lives, will we just feel cut off and lonely as our children leave home?

I see that many friend's adult children stay at home, but I can't imagine offering my children this option here, as I can't how they would work/socialise etc.

I can not afford to make a mistake at this stage of my life, and would really appreciate any views you have on what to expect in the next ten years, and to point me in the right direction.

I love this place, have such happy memories but something has shifted, and I am not sure it works anymore.

Seems to me you want to move back to where your family and friends are. I don’t think you should wait - It would make sense to do this once your eldest has done GCSEs. In our school half the kids left at that point to go to sixth form college elsewhere or to apprenticeships etc, so I imagine it will not be unusual for your child to move too. There’s also a move at 13/14 for kids just starting GCSEs so will suit your younger one.
It is unlikely that your kids would work, at least initially, where you are now situated anyway. As you say not a lot of opportunities and many kids get first jobs in London or near where they went to uni.
I am moving in two years back to London - my daughter will be starting sixth form and my son will have finished college. She wants to go to an all girls school and for what she plans to do in the future London would be better, plus I miss the city. We will have been where we are now for ten years. We moved here after my husband passed away and it’s been very good for us but like you I think the time has come to move on. I will keep a small flat here for visits but when I see my future it’s in London. But five years ago if you’d asked me if I’d move back to London I would have said no that my life and friends were here. But things change, feelings change and what was so right at one time in your life is not always going to be right.
Go with your gut feeling, but I don’t think you need to wait for your kids to have left home.

pip Thank you for your very insightful post. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. A new start can be very refreshing, and was at the time. I never thought I would ever consider leaving. Same as you, it was unimaginable.

But now I can't sleep for worrying about where to live, and the decision hanging over us. Dh is saying that we need to move sooner rather than later, given our situation and it may take time to sell, but he is more or less leaving the decision for me as to our future. Moving back would benefit him, as he could work in London and have a larger salary, and his family also live nearby.

How naive of me to think in forever home terms. When I moved here, the children were so young and we all loved it so much, and now that stage has passed it seems almost like a new place to me, it is very different without little children. It is disconcerting.

Do you think it matters that the children grew up in one place and won't have so many links here if we move back? Their childhood will be remembered here.

I could potentially hold onto a very very small place here, and buy a very very small place there. Do children even care once they have grown up? Are roots important? They were both born and spent the first few years in my home town, but many many years here too.

My dh said in today's world roots are a nostalgic idea that have no real meaning beyond a few memories, as the children will move on and create their own life. We must do the right thing for us.

I can't imagine growing old here, in such isolation.

Should my children decide to live in different parts of the world, it would be their choice of course, then what do have here beyond happy childhood memories and some lovely friends I will keep wherever we are.

No one tells you when you move to the country/by the sea that one day those beautiful rolling hills may come to represent an absence of people and life.