I’m struggling with self doubt massively here.
My DP and I decided to separate last week. However, I said i wanted him to move out temporarily and get himself together. We’ve both been struggling with MH after a catastrophic year and I found it really hard to live with him over the last few months, so did our DC.
DP came over yesterday and wanted to talk finances etc (that never goes down well). Anyway, he’s looking in to new places for himself where our DD’s can go and stay with him, said he’s not going to Counselling (after I’d made the referral for him) and that he feels so much relaxed not being in our family home. His exact words were “when you asked me to leave I felt relieved but when I see you it hurts me too”.
I was angry in the conversation, expressed that I was hurt he’s making all these future decisions when this was only meant to be temporary but if he wants it final then that’s fine too.
But he said he got sick of coming home and I was miserable all the time, I stopped making any effort, I refused to let him out socially and he couldn’t take anymore of me telling him he didn’t do nothing around the house. I’m bad for his MH.
It was like a nail in the chest.
I work PT, studying a degree, look after DC, sort all finances etc. He goes to work, came home and sat on his phone the majority of the evening. Occasionally might wash up and on weekends do some washing.
I feel like our relationship break down has been solely blamed on me.
I’m not the easiest person to be with, I do have issues with control but his “not letting me out” was that I had a problem with his cocaine binges. Our sex life became poor after I was triggered by a childhood sexual trauma and all sexual feelings disappeared.
Resentment grew hard for me. I was horrible in some things I said but also pointed out that I’m his partner and not his mother.
When I’m around him I hurt so bad, I desperately want to try and fix our relationship but when he’s not here I feel so much calmer and enjoy doing my own thing without having to worry about yet another person. However, if this is my fault then surely I need to be doing something to try and fix things.
A little perspective would be great.