Staying with friend in family meltdown on holiday

[Decormad38]

We are currently visiting an old friend of mine on holiday in another country. We have spent 5 days here but it's been fairly awful due to the fact that the family seem to all be in meltdown. She is totally controlling and shouts at her 15 year old dad and 18 year old son constantly. She tries to make her kids speak English to us all the time then shouts at them when they don't and they just avoid being near us now. Her and her kids are constantly rowing. Her DH is clearly treading on egg shells the whole time. It has been as far from relaxing as you can get as she has told us when to get up, although she has asked what we want to do she then just overrides it with her plans. Yesterday I decided I was going to take our DD to the city without her because I knew our DD would be marched around ancient buildings for 6 hours and last night she ( and her DH) just scoffed at us for visiting shops instead of cathedrals. We leave today but not sure if I should just leave and say thanks for inviting us it was lovely or actually be honest and say she needs help.

Yeah, tell her as you leave that things weren't good enough for you and she needs help (just not from you). That's what "old friends" do to each other

You should have had time on your own with her and given her the opportunity to tell you if something was wrong.
Walking out the door saying it over your shoulder is not kind or helpful.

I do not understand this at all. You do realise that you staying that long in her house has probably pushed her over the edge. Poor woman. A couple of nights maximum and that’s for decades long close friendships. I’ve known my longest friend almost 30 years and we still book a nearby airbnb when we visit. You’ve been selfish and imposing so leave with dignity and keep your mouth shut. Poor woman. And next time put your hand in your pocket rather than expecting somebody else to be a hotel

@lottiegarbanzo so well put.
I have first hand experience of this, being the host to family and friends.
I felt judged and scrutinised and quite possibly took it out on my own DC
I now never have guests for longer than 2 nights.

Ok she asked up to come saying she had visited us but we hadn't visited her. Thanks for all your replies. It's more tricky when you are actually in the situation. We have been in touch since 18 but maybe just twice a year.

decor so she isn't really your friend, but you thought it was okay to spend five nights in her home, and I assume enjoying her hospitality. All the while never really caring one or another about her.

It is very enlightening listening to posts like yours. There are always some people very willing to take advantage of others, all the while judging from the side lines. I truly hope she closes her front door to you and says never again.