Hi, I'm hoping for a bit of insight and advice if possible please. I know this may seem like a minor issue to many of you but I'm really hoping that I could get some reassurance.
My husband started a new job around a year ago. In previous jobs he has always been very open with talking about his work colleagues and sharing his day, as I am with him. His previous jobs have predominantly been Male environments and he has always encouraged me to visit and pop in.
His new job is a mixture of Male and female and I know he gets on well with everyone. In the early days of his new job he would talk to me about his day and include both his male and female colleagues, however he has gradually been avoiding talking about ' the girls in the office' ( as he now calls them). He doesn't refer to any by name and when he does he seems very cautious.
I asked him a few nights ago very casually why he doesn't talk to me about 'the girls in the office' any more (they sound like a lively bunch and I enjoyed hearing stories about them and what they get up to!). He immediately became defensive and said he's not getting into this with me, which is very unlike him. He's usually very laid back and we very rarely argue.
I was quite taken back by his response and left him for a while why I had a bath, following that he came upstairs and cuddled me and I asked him why he reacted the way he did. He said I always twist what he says when he talks about the girls and read into things ( which is absolutely not true and a pure fabrication) I asked him to give me an example and he said he couldn't, I asked him whether I had had any issue in the past when he talked about working with his female colleagues and he said no. He then said he was just tired and just wanted a nice quiet evening and not to argue and wished to leave it.
I left it for the following 2 hours, but I was struggling to brush his reaction off as it was so unlike him. I said I didn't want to argue and I understood he was tired and maybe didn't want to talk about it now, however he had upset me the way he responded. He didn't answer and I then had to ask him whether he had heard me to which he replied yes, what do you want me to say. In all honesty it has left me feeling quite confused and unsettled and actually a little concerned that he has something to hide..... after thinking about it, he discourages me from visiting his new work place ( which I never did much of anyway) and when I suggested bringing him up lunch one day he said no as he doesn't get time to stop.
I feel really petty writing this as it seems so trivial, however it is so unlike him. We have been together over 20 years ( got together in our teens) 2 DC in their late teens and are a really solid couple. We never argue and communication has always been amazing.
If someone could make sense of the above and give me another perspective I would be incredibly grateful. If you need to ask any questions then please do. Thanks for taking the time to read this long and probably boring post 🙈