I don't love my husband

[MARTHA74]

Oh god where to start. I know before i do that critisim will come.
My husband is 18 years older than me, which when we met 27 years ago wasn't a problem, now as time has passed, children have left home, and his health has got worse over the last 3 years and he is starting to age quickly. Each day i feel that i am drifting further away from him. I no longer see him as a husband more just a friend. I know that husband and wife are friends but thats all i see.
He has done a few thing wrong like knocking my confidence, i have lost loads of weight recently and i feel amazing but he passes comment of still have a belly, could do with toning up,to extremes of everyone is looking at you and your legs, looks like I've picked you up out the strip club. He tries to make a joke of the comments but it hurts like hell.
Over the last 4 months i have slept in a separate bed as he snores enough to wake the dead and i can't stand it. He doesn't seem to understand why i have put up with it for so long and now i cant stand it. It is affecting us as i dont want him to touch me, he expects me to hold his hand when walking in the street, but i don't feel the need to or even want to.
I just feel that we have drifted apart, I'm in my mid 40s and H is 63. The age gap used to feel about 2 years now feels like 20 years.
I don't know what the hell to do, i have thought of ending it many many times, but don't know how to, as i will hurt him so much.

He sounds horrible in the way you describe him putting you down. You’ve achieved a great thing in losing weight. Now lose him as he’s dragging you down.

He shouldn't speak to you like that, no matter the age gap and no matter what size you are.

You still have a lot of life in you and, any woman, would baulk at wanting to be affectionate to a partner who constantly puts you down. It's a separate issue than age.

I think I'd have to tell him the truth, exactly how he's damaging the relationship and how you are feeling. I'd base my next move on his response.

He sounds nasty and to be honest he could be the same age as your Father ... I would have a trial separation

The creepy comments in lieu of “compliments” would do it for me.... I’d have to look at the evolution of your relationship. Did he fall for you because he was immature, or perhaps sleazy? Was he trying to hold onto his youth then, vicariously?

I had exactly the same thing happen to me as my exdh got older. With the dc grown I had time on my hands to get fit & I wanted to get out & do things. It was like I'd got my life back & I got younger by 20yrs. Unfortunately, at the same time he aged forwards by 20yrs! Didn't want to go & do anything, anywhere, ever & no sex life too. There might have been a 14yr age gap between us but it felt more like 40. He was absolutely not interested in doing anything other than sit in front of the tv. He was in his 60s but he lived like an old geriatric. We ended up separating.

Sounds like he's putting you down because you've lost weight and are probably looking very good. Maybe he's scared of losing you, although nasty comments will make that more likely. If you're only in your mid forties you've got a lot of time left ahead of you, at least another 30 years. Don't waste it, spending time with a Grumpy Old Man!

Sounds like he’s just seeing you age slower and younger and he’s not the stud muffin he used to or wants to be, there are treatments for the snoring. Before he belittles you again, he may want to reach down and lift his n*ts off the floor and bite his tongue. I hope things get better.

I wouldn't put up with the insults regardless of his age. But that aside, if your not happy and you don't think it's a phase then I think you should leave. Yes he will be hurt but he is probably already noticing you pulling away which would hurt too. 63 is not that old and he still has plenty of time to get back out there. You have so much life left to live, don't waste it being miserable.

Oh dear. He's feeling the difference now and feels threatened so he has to put you down.

Leave now or you will become a shadow.

My other half is older than me and I didn't notice the difference until now. He has turned into a grumpy old man overnight ... he moans about my music (I like Miley Cyrus) he doesn't like my clothes because they are too fashionable! Sometimes I could scream at him! I am thinking about whether to leave but our children would be heartbroken so I am not sure at the moment.

Not all relationships last forever and it sounds like this one has run its course. Sometimes you have to hurt people to stop hurting yourself.

"Sounds like he's putting you down because you've lost weight and are probably looking very good."

That might be it. Its not just you who's noticed how his health and energy level has declined and how this big age gap is now very noticeable. He's noticed to and might feel unhappy and defensive about it. But there is just no excuse for his rudeness and insults. Try talking to him first though before doing anything drastic.

I think it's time for you to go. My husband was 11 years younger than me but when I hit the menopause suddenly the age difference became obvious, I didn't have time for his childish man child ways and I started ageing quite quickly also.
I no longer wanted to spend all my weekends in clubs and pubs, just gardening and doing things I wanted to do.
Your husband also sounds quite rude and selfish.
I'm happy to be divorced now, I can just spend my weekends doing exactly what I want.
You are not responsible for him or his health problems.
I was a nurse for years and Ive seen so many 60 year olds killing themselves looking after their 80 year old husbands and everyone mistaking them for a daughter - awful.
Time to think about your options.

Thank you everyone for your responses. I do need to get thinking and quick. As i can't live like this for another 27 years.
I have tried to be happy and he is fully aware that I'm not as we have had an argument about it and he still doesn't understand why the age gap is in his words suddenly an issue. Its not suddenly. Its been in the background for the last 5 or so years. I know i have many years left of my life and YOLO.