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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dont know what to do anymore.

5 replies

Beckiee12 · 07/08/2019 21:05

Me and my partner have been together for 4 years. We split a year ago while I was pregnant and he moved out. Long story short we decided to work things out before our son was born but wanted to take things slowly to make sure we could work the problems before living together again. We still live apart 6 months on (not by my choice) things seemed to be good at first, he was putting a lot of effort in but now things seem to have changed massively. The past 3 months have been shit to put it precisely. He hasnt been very well with a lot of back pain so where before he was coming from work every night for a couple of hours to see me and our son then staying weekends I barely see him now. He may pop over for 40 minutes if at all and stays on a Saturday (some weeks) sex is a no go we haven't been intimate in over a year now even though I've tried to initiate it. I did post a thread few days back about finding very flirtatious messages on his phone.. yes I know I went through it.. but I just cant work out what is going on. Everytime I have brought it up he promises me he loves me and that there is no one else he is just struggling atm with stress and trying to find out what is going on with his back. He has had lots of tests to try find out but we are still confused as ever and no one can find out what is going on. That's kind of irrelevant atm anyway. I just dont know if I can carry on like this as I feel so pushed away and confused. Honestly I dont feel loved in the slightest anymore. My confidence due to finding these messages has hit rock bottom but at the same time I do love this man so the thought of ending things hurts. I feel like I'm in a lose lose situation, I'm just fed up and dont know how much longer I can carry on like this.

OP posts:
user1486131602 · 07/08/2019 23:49

You can’t choose who you fall in love with.
But sometimes, that’s not enough to be happy, that’s something you have to do for yourself.
Speaking from experience, please don’t waste 5 yrs (as I did) to leave, I knew I wasn’t happy and as much I as I still love him, I’m divorcing.
You also deserve better x

HennyPennyHorror · 08/08/2019 00:53

but I just cant work out what is going on

Well I'll tell you as kindly as possible. He's more than likely got someone else but is maintaining his relationship with you (barely) in order to have as much access to his child as possible.

He's not in a relationship with you. He's pretending to be. He doesn't want sex with you and doesn't live with you.

You need to try to move on now.x

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 08/08/2019 01:55

Whether or not there is anyone else, this relationship has come to an end. Move on and be happy.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/08/2019 02:01

End it already. The relationship is dead in the water.

Beckiee12 · 08/08/2019 08:36

Thanks for all the replies I know the relationship is already basically over just hard to accept it

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