I know I should have posted this in Sex but I’m not sure I want to sandwich it in the BDSM queries 
DH and I have always had a bit of a tricky one on sex life, he’d happily do once a week and I’d happily do daily but we’ve generally settled on 2 a week with a bonus 3rd if we're both keen. I don’t think I’ve ever pressured him but he knows I’d like it more if we had the chance. Over 9 years I’ve made my peace with it and always prided us on how well we sorted it
We started TTC in March on holiday and we were having sex every other day, I really hoped we’d fall first time because I suspected the sex frequency was holiday and wouldn’t last come our return to normality.
The last couple of months have been tricky. Initially DH said he wanted to know so he could get in the mood for best dates. Month 2 we went completely chilled, month 3 he asked me to ‘book it in’ as in just tell him in the morning so he could mentally get in the mood for the evening. All good except one night where he was struggling to finish.
This month has been a disaster. We did ok but he struggled around ovulation (not that he knows when it is but he knows when my period is and he’s pretty with it so can clock timing). One instance of him managing it on a half ‘mast’, everything else a bit of a fail (even on our anniversary, with 4 days no sex or DIY). We tried to do it last night (due on, there’s literally zero chance of pregnancy) and he couldn’t - it’d been 4 days since our last DTD.
At first I thought it was the pressure for TTC but the fact it’s impacting his sex drive when he knows it’s not a ttc day is worrying me. Equally he’s actually more up for kids than I am (maybe backwards pressure in that?) But he’s 35 and my concern is that, coupled with lowish sex drive, this might be something more.
I’m trying to be supportive and I love him so much. But:
- I feel like shit that he can’t get it up, even without ttc - this is the minor issue
- We’re only early 30s
- I’ve tried telling him when we need to do it (too much pressure) I’ve tried not telling him (he has no interest in sex)
I don’t know what to do. Sex has always been a tricky one. He wants kids and irregardless of the sex life thing I love him and want to be with him forever. But I’ve done ‘don’t tell’ and I’ve done ‘schedule’. Even from the start I knew our mismatched drives would be an issue if we ever tried to conceive. But I didn’t think it would be this hard (pun unintended...) Viagra? I think it’s meant to be an issue with TTC. Counselling? Im not sure talking about it more is what he needs! We just need to get over the hump but I don’t know how....