Hey mumsnetters! I’m new here and really in need of some impartial advice. It’s a long story but I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible. I’ve been with my DH for nearly 5 years, he’s a fantastic husband and father and I feel lucky to have him. Last year we went to one of his friends parties and someone he used to work with (described as a best mate) was there so he was excited to see her and introduce me. They hadn’t seen each other for 6 years due to him moving away and losing touch. When we got there, she was immediately all over him, kissing his cheek, hugging him etc and it made me really uncomfortable. Her foundation was all over his shirt! They laughed together about old times like a pair of hyenas and I swear he was pissing himself at every word that left her mouth (I swear I’m not over exaggerating). She wasn’t interested in getting to know me and just kept saying that her and my DH need a night out to catch up, she even suggested they and someone else they know go on holiday together (I wasn’t invited). I wasn’t happy with how she acted, DH said at the end of the night that she was a bit full on. I tried to put it to the back of my mind but I kept worrying that he was gonna say he was meeting up with her and I knew if they went out together I would feel so uneasy. Eventually, I told him how I felt and he tried his best to understand but said he just sees her as a friend, I said I’m not sure she sees you that way. Before we went to the party he had invited her to our wedding and after everything I really didn’t want her to come. I didn’t want to be thinking about this other woman on my wedding day. I told DH how I felt and he said he would uninvite her cos he didn’t want anything to make me nervous on our wedding day. He went to her house and told her she’s wasn’t coming to the wedding, it was incredibly difficult for him to do this (I was wracked with guilt over asking him too) she cried and said she didn’t want to lose him, he said they would always be friends. Fast forward to our honeymoon she came up again (he brought her up, can’t remember how) and I said I’m not sure if I’d ever be comfortable with their friendship due to the way she is with him and the lack of respect she has for me. He agreed to not see her again, told me to stop worrying about it and let’s just enjoy married life.
That was 5 months ago and I still think about it almost on a daily basis. She’s really got under my skin. I feel so guilty all the time that I’ve told him he can’t be friends with someone, I feel like I’ve controlled him but I didn’t mean to I just felt she was after my husband. I do trust DH but I’m not naive and I know anyone can make a mistake.
I feel like the whole situation has put a ‘black mark’ on me as a wife so to speak. I hate that I’ve been that woman who has said who her OH can be friends with. I should add, DH is social, has female friends, I have no problem with this of course, it’s because it’s her not because she’s female.
What should I do now? Should I get over my own insecurities and tell DH that if he really wants to see her then fine. Or should I trust my gut, that she’s bad news, and just let things go on as they are? He hasn’t really mentioned her since honeymoon but I keep worrying he’s thinking about her and is sad he can’t see her. Typing this out I feel really pathetic…
Congratulations if you made this far! I don’t have anyone to talk to about this cos I feel like I’m the bad guy. Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Thanks in advance! Also, you can lynch me if you want but it won’t be any worse than what I’ve already thought about myself.
Sorry this post is so long!