Struggling with gaming

[pebblemix]

My DH and kids are all addicted and obsessed with gaming. It’s all they want to do and school holidays seem to involve constant, all day gaming. I feel sidelined and ignored. I feel stressed and lonely. Does anyone else have this issue? How do you deal with it?

I got rid of the Xbox and I refuse point blank to buy another again. Best thing I ever did.

Has your DP always been like this?

Can you talk to him in a neutral environment away from the gaming console when you're doing something else?

I am prone to spending hours on the PC playing games myself so I set alarms for when I have to get off and do something with my life otherwise I'd have to be peeled off my Omega gaming chair when I'm half asleep but still trying to play.

I think agreeing to a set number of hours for gaming is your best bet.

If you're feeling sidelined could you try some of the games they like and see if you can join in?

Book yourself a weekend away at the seaside and go on your own. Even a day out would do, but leave the house at the crack of dawn and get home really late.

Send loads of pictures of you having a brilliant time making sand castles, eating ice cream, paddling at the water's edge, fishing in rock pools, enjoying fish and chips, the lot.

See how they like that

DingleyDells

Haha I actually do that with my DP! Sans the photos. I'm say I'm going to X at Y time and say he's welcome to come. I'd say he joins me 7 times out of 10.

I’ve been doing that for 2 years now. I spend every day on my own and do activities on my own. It’s not why I had a family to be on my own all the time!! My husband doesn’t work and rarely leaves the house so I get zero time in the house on my own with my kids. He’s obsessed with games and so it’s all the time. There’s no balance and no time/interest in anything I’m interested in. The only way I get time with my kids is to take them out to activities but gaming still beats anything and everything I do with them. Beach, parks, trampolining, swimming...how do I get space and time on my own with them to do non gaming stuff? I’m feeling pretty desperate. He’s always there and gaming trumps everything.

I'd change the WiFi password and switch it off for certain hours every day and I'd also take the cord out of the back of the console.

If he gets very angry then he's an addict and needs counselling or I would leave him.

My husband games as does one of my kids. It’s their primary hobby. Both do 2-4hrs per day with maybe a dozen days per year where they pig out and play 16hrs straight.

But this is nowhere near to the extent you are describing. That sounds like a full on addiction.

Id try and find help for them because all day every day is not healthy no matter what the activity is.

I just can’t see how it’s ever going to improve. As kids get older and more teenager it’s just going to get worse? Where do I fit in? He’s never absent and the over riding pressure in the house is of when can the games go on again. It’s all they ask. They’ve played for 6 hours so far today. It’s every single day. Every single holiday. I’m the lone voice in the wind. How do I fight against it when they see daddy doing it all the time?

Angela’s ashes. Do your kids do things with you? How do you balance having alone time with them?

That would drive me potty. I sometimes take a day if annual leave just so that I can potter around the house on my own.

Why doesn't he work? Is he looking for a job? That might be the crux of your issue, it's very easy to fall into a rut and get your sense of "achievement" from a video game if you don't have anything else in your life. He needs a job and he needs to get out of the house.

Do you like him OP? As a person? Would you choose him as a partner if you met him now?

I threw out my stbxh partly for this.

Why doesn't he work? I was wondering the same thing. He's not exactly setting a good example or work ethic is he?

“Do your kids do things with you?” Yes. We have a National Trust membership and at least 2x a month will have a day out at a National Trust place. It is £126/yr for family membership so entry is free. We take a picnic or eat in cafe. Spend day exploring gardens, old mansions. Some places even have things like canoeing, tree houses, or archery& falconry shows. They have an Easter Egg Hunt every year with Cadbury’s that kids love. It has been best decision ever because no one can afford to pay for days out every weekend. It gets the kids to play outside, climb trees, go pond dipping, see nature, and also history.

“How do I balance alone time with them?” Erm, well DH comes too. He is actually a lot of fun. He enjoys showing them the other cool things he knows and can do other than games/gaming. Lots of places have little hunts for the kids..like collect stamps or find hidden objects. So it’s a game but an IRL type game. They’re teens now and like geo-caching. Geo caching is a IRL game where you discover little caches, you add an object take an object. The caches are all over the world usually with visitor logs and it’s a kind of contest to visit really out if the way geo caches...

I don’t really do alone time with them tbh.