Affair, abandoned, girl harassing me, divorce and contact

[4Sspencers]

My Husband was having an online affair from Oct 2018, I knew nothing about it. Then the work trips started in Feb 2019 flying to Scotland and booking hotes. I started getting cryptic messenger messages so showed him, he said it was a work scam. This person made up loads of fake Facebook accounts and kept contacting via messenger, even went as far as taking pic off my Facebook of me and 8 year old son and sent it to me. Husband said it was a work scam and few wives were getting the messages and asked me to deactivate Facebook and uninstall messenger as he wasn't happy they took pic off my Facebook and sent to me. This was all beginning of May. At end of May the girl contacted my 75 year old mum and husband had to confess. He's 44 she's 25. We've been married 23 years and have 3 children together. He had option to sort things out and go counselling but said doesn't want to be with me. I kicked him out. She's been harassing me, my mum, best friend and his sister, he didn't believe me. Ive had photos sent through post of them in bed and kissing, phone calls asking if I slept with him, text saying I'm a bitch, her ringing my 18 year old son (he's SEN) saying get your mum to ring me she knows who I am, he gave her my mobile number and 18 year sons mobile number and my address to her, messenger chat with my friend from her saying how I should put my kids 1st, an anonymous call to social services he even thinks she did it. He did have contact every weekend supervised by me as he's threatened to hurt himself 4 times, police done welfare checks on phone and knocked at his door adult social services rang me for his contact details as police referred him, but she starts harassing my mum and friend while contact is taking place so I've stopped supporting the contact as can't go through that every 2 weeks. I've paid and had my MIAM meeting for mediation which I started the process for and mediator said it's rare that the parent who children live with starts the process. She just won't leave me alone. She has bipolar and smokes cannabis, been told she was pregnant and had an abortion but then told she didn't. He should of protected all of us from any of this as he caused it all. He's messed 3 contact phone calls up, couldn't take son to orthodontist as she was in hotel near our house and chose to meet her instead, he pretended to go to work but had taken holiday and was with her in the day and coming home when work would of finished and getting in bed next to me, even worse this happened 3 days after our anniversary

I'd like a few supervised contacts first, not by me as now not in a position to help with that, phone calls on speaker so he doesn't say inappropriate stuff, like he's going to hurt himself ( I have voicemail and messenger chat as evidence) and mess with my childrens heads, her never to be at the contact and drug and mental health checks by supervising party, I'm happy to do them too. He's a complete stranger to me now. How he can't see her using photo of our youngest son, her ringing his eldest son, her discussing child maintenance and my children's welfare with my best friend and lastly reporting me to social services (I work in a school) being wrong is beyond me. Me, my children, my mum and friend have never met her and didn't know about her or her name until 30th May.
He says I'm using them as a weapon I've told him it's called safeguarding, I've also asked for support from social services but they've told me it's a private matter.
She's threatened to chap my door (knock on it in Scots slang) I also asked if me and my friends were harassing her how would he feel? He said I wouldn't as she's "hard" and we'd all get red faces. I can't get non molestation or injunction on her as I don't know her address or real phone number.
He has put me in danger and done nothing to protect me and my children.

Police have rang her 3 times with warning and sent a warning letter, I can't go to court as I've blocked everytime she's contacted me and not said don't contact me and leave me alone. I have a message saying you can ignore me all you want but look in in the face and ask him about the baby, so she has aknowlaged I don't want to talk to her. I have victim support giving me a case worker. He's been uncontactable for police and they said they don't know what he's playing at hiding away and hoping it will just blow over. I'm fine about being separated and I've started divorce proceedings, what I'm not fine with is the harassment and her obsession with me, my mum, my friends and children.

This is stalking. Report to the police every single time. Take screen shots. The police should help you to get a non molestation order.
However, I am not an expert.
Perhaps you should get this moved to the Legal board.

I'm going through something similar, except my partner didnt cheat on me as we weren't exclusive (I was also seeing other people).

This woman is relentless. We have gone to the police again and have taken advice from the police that because he had an intimate relationship with her it can be treated as domestic abuse so are looking to apply to family court for a non mol for now. Not sure if that's an option though as you weren't in the relationship. I live with my partner and dont think I can be on the non mol it's ourback up though so she at least cant turn up when we are out together or with the kids.

She also sent my mum a link to look at their naked photos

At the time I didn't know I had reply back and have proof I've asked her not to contact me in any way, I thought not responding and blocking was the correct move, I was still in total shock and wasn't given any time to digest what had happened, the harassment started from day after I kicked him out and i was just trying to concentrate on getting my children to school and keeping the house going. I got signed off sick for 6 weeks due to stress and weight loss. She also buys a new sim every couple of weeks then gets rid of it after she had her bit of fun. I will be changing my mobile number but at the moment police, mediator and other agencies have it as contact number, my 1st priority was changing my sons number so she can't contact him.

Things in the marriage were fine as far as I was aware, we were still intimate.
I also had a print up of their porno sex chat sent to my address. If after he'd confessed and moved out she'd stopped harassing me things would be a little easier but because of her behaviour I have concerns about her being near my children and his mental well being for not stopping her and giving my mobile number, sons mobile and address after seeing all the harassment. He's even admitted that he's put the children at risk by

I have 2 months worth of evidence on a memory stick plus the photos and print up of the porno sex chat between them. He didn't want a divorce but silly girl sent me all the evidence. She even made the free online print account in my maiden name and a fraud investigation is on going as you have to pay postage using a credit or debit card.

Only found out about the affair because she found my 75 year old mum on Facebook and contacted her via the messengerapp. He knew she was going to tell my mum as she'd contacted his sister and asked her for my mums name, his sister messaged back I'm not telling you her mums name it's down to him to tell "me" don't drag anyone else into it. The girl then messaged his sister saying it's ok I've found her mum and sent my mums Facebook profile pic to her. His sister rang him and said you better tell "me" because she's going to tell her mum, he didn't think SHE would so didn't tell me and she told my mum about my H and her. He could of saved my mum this stress, but he said he bottled it when asked.

@endofthelinefinally is absolutely right. This is harassment, go to the police every single time. Unfortunately I do have experience of this and it is the only way it will stop; and if you do not report it, it will only escalate. Collect every scrap of evidence, and if the police don't take you seriously report it to another police station. I reported it via 101 and they were great. Good luck

What a weak, feeble man he is.
Sorry you are going through this shot with OW I agree, police every time.

Thanks so much for advice, on 7th June a police officer came out as too weak to the station, I've lost nearly 2 stone and now weight just under 8 stone. They came out again on 1st July. I went police station day I got the photos 12th July and had an appointment on 18th July to hand all evidence over. The problem is the mobile number SHE sent me to ring (which I didn't ring ever) goes straight to voicemail, police only got hold of her as when ringing me to ask if I'd slept with him a said you both need to answer private numbers the police want to speak to you both, it took 11 days for them to be able to contact her and photos were already in post. I got home after police station and went straight into kitchen to cook my children dinner, I'd been at police station for 3 hours and children had been at my mums, and I got private number call, thinking it was police but no it was HER saying please don't hang up but I did she tried to ring 3 more times and was also ringing his sister. I reported this and the the social services letter from anonymous caller (so malicious), victim support rang me and said they'd get police to update me, but they haven't. SHE told the police when they managed to contact her that SHR's put in counter allegations I'm harassing HER well I don't know address or real mobile number or want them. All she keeps messaging is "I don't want to fight" well that's fine with me as he's not worth fighting over.

Also my solicitor said today just pretend like he doesn't exist no contact with any of us block him on everything and let him take me to court for contact. I'm doing everything right by my children, even if you know you are it helps when a qualified professional tells you.