Don't know what to do

[whysitsohard]

I've thought long and hard about posting, but I don't know what to do anymore and think some outside perspective from an anonymous forum may help.
Just over a month ago me and my partner decided to quit drinking as it was becoming a problem, since then my anxiety has gone through the roof my main focus seems to be surrounding our relationship.
For context we both have difficult backgrounds for different reasons but the main reasons have been around our relationships with other people, family and in relationships with other people.
He has never given any reason to have any anxiety, never cheated and never would and I 100% deep down know this, so why the anxiety.
I can't even begin to explain it.
It's like a cloud as settled over me and won't go, when I'm not with him the anxiety goes crazy, it's so hard to explain but my mind goes into overdrive, what's he doing who's he talking too etc I just can't shake it.
Porn has never been a deal breaker for me, we've always been quite honest about watching porn and have watched it together several times, but recently this is another thing driving my anxiety and I went into a complete melt down about it a few weeks ago again can't explain why.
We haven't had sex now for about 5/6 days due to period and as I knew it would my anxiety went wild and I shut down completely, period stopped now for a couple days normally we'd both be really wanting it at this point
1st night he was tired so of course the anxiety kicks in more and I shut down even further.
We had a chat about it but I was still suffering badly with anxiety, attempted again last night but I made him stop because it felt off. So here where are he's basically said he can't support me anymore because the anxiety is affecting him and he needs to pull away to protect his own emotional well being and that he doesn't want as because the way I am at the moment is not attractive. All very fair points and I accept this, but it just feeds the anxiety even more, so I'm stuck in this ever turning cycle I don't know how to break out off.

If you were heavy drinkers it might be s bad idea to go cold turkey.

Other than that counselling or doctor appointment to explain how your feeling.

It may just pass in time and looks like it is related to the alcohol but I am no doctor.

If you were half cut all the time then it might have surpressed all these thoughts you are having.

@MrMagooooo am already with the doctor, waiting for a therapist appointment next week. And your more than likely right about the suppressed thoughts. Going cold turkey wasn't ideal but as with drinking it was all or nothing.
The irony of the situation of being worried about losing my partner when I shouldn't have these concerns and I'm pushing him away

Well your doing the right things. You just have to realise your anxiety issues, try to control them until you get to talk to someone. Talking can help.

Sounds like you need to face some of the things in your past, which isn't easy. Counselling drags up a lot of stuff before you can safely lay them to rest.

Good luck

Im sure there is medication to help with the symptoms of cold turkey. There is surely anti anxiety medication. I realise that may not be the best advice for someone with an addictive issue but did your doctor not discuss these options with you?

@MrMagooooo thanks for your replies, your completely right, there probably is going to be a lot dragged up that I need to face.

@parent999 yep was discussed but because of the alcohol they didn't want to prescribe anything I may get addicted too. Surprisingly throughout all this apart from a few days I've not been tempted to drink.

You need support & reassurance just now! He probably needs reassurance that you know he wouldn't do anything & you know your anxieties aren't down to anything he's done.
It must be hard for both of you. Were you drinking heavily before? Do you think there's a correlation?
I was on the same contraceptive pill for 15 years, when I came off it my anxieties lifted. Hadn't put the 2 together before.

@Everafter1 yep drinking heavily every day, since stopping anxiety has been wild. Doctors seem to think it's always been there hence the need to drink and now without the drink it's just there every bloody day

Well done on quitting alcohol. Cold turkey may not have been ideal (depending on the amount you were drinking) but if it's been a month then the physical dependency will be over. Now is the emotional withdrawal, which is much more difficult than the physical, so my therapist says - she is with the NHS addiction service, and I hope the therapist you're waiting for is a specialist in alcohol recovery.

Alcohol numbs anxiety massively and lots of us who have a drink problem use it precisely for that (even when we are already on anti depressants). When you stop drinking, or even just reduce your use, your anxiety levels will rise.

If you've not drank for a month then there's no reason now not to try you out on ADs so I'd go back to your gp and ask.

You can also self refer for online CBT which is great for treating anxiety.

Again really well done getting sober 🌷

If you haven't drank for a month you're long since though the physical withdrawal. The residual anxiety you're experiencing is normal do not start drinking again, this will definitely make it worse in the long run. Look for distraction of the healthy type- exercise will definitely help with anxiety as will eating healthily, avoiding caffeine and getting enough sleep. You've done the absolute right thing, get some support from friends who don't drink if you have any, if not get yourself to some group activities that don't revolve around drinking. Above all have patience. Things will improve but it will take time. You have been meaning all sorts of shit with alcohol, be prepared to deal with it. Good luck OP. You can do this.

Masking not meaning

Definitely get some counselling for your anxiety! From friends I’ve spoken to who have anxiety, they’ve described their anxiety as being very good at tricking them and lying to them. It can make you lose track of the reality line. However some of them said they found therapy incredibly helpful with this, it helped them gain some control over it.

Thanks for the replies they really have been helpful and to the poster who mentioned anxiety lying to you, it's exactly that I've tried to explain to my partner that it's like having two people in your head having an argument. The anxiety voice is always the loudest one.

@whysitsohard so the alcohol's been masking it. It probably doesn't feel like it but you're doing great. To stay off it as long as you have is amazing.
I lost a close family member to alcoholism, the fact you've made such good progress shows a lot of strength.
Keep it up, do the counselling sessions to get to the source of it all. I've found in the past it's been helpful to write down my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, when you reflect back months later you don't even recognise it.
Exercising has always helped too, even if it's just walking. A good way to release the anxious energy.

You can definitely do this!!