Sick of self doubt

[Cobblersandhogwash]

My whole life I have had this sense of self doubt.

I couldn't possibly do that. I'm not capable. No way.

Constantly.

I feel it's a form of cowardice.

As a result, my cowardice has resulted in not much of a career, financial dependence on my Dh and ultimately, boredom.

I seem unable to focus on anything. I know I'm reasonably intelligent - A levels, two degrees - and have some common sense too.

I have 4 dcs, all in school now and I'm staring in the chasm of boredom.

What and where can I go to get help for zero self confidence?

What and where can I go to get help for zero self confidence?

You've already started that process. You've admitted that it's an issue, that it's holding you back and you've dipped your toe in the water so to speak by asking here what you can do. It's a really positive first step, recognise that and give yourself credit for going out of your comfort zone to do so.

I'm staring in the chasm of boredom

It's difficult to know how to move forwards when everything seems such a big mountain to climb. Bored but scared of failing to excite yourself.
I guess it's possible that you are building things up a bit much so I'd start by taking a few steps back and considering what it is that you're missing. Focus on things that you'd like to do and start speaking about them. Chat online to strangers about them. Find out what it takes to make the changes. All of this should feel fairly safe as you don't actually have to put yourself out there, there's not a risk of failing.

Once you know the kind of things that you'd like to do and roughly how you'd start, look into how you could do that. Make plans but don't worry about following through straight away. Just take the mystery out of things and learn what they involve. Learning more about things can make them seem much more manageable. For example if you want to learn to fly a plane (I know!) that sounds impossible to most people. But if you found out there's a local airfield, that you can go up in a plane for £100 and get shown the controls etc, the first step doesn't sound so impossible. From there, the small steps are not insurmountable.

I hope this makes sense, but essentially it is about breaking things down. Want your dream job, start by just talking about it. Don't pressure yourself, you can do it. I know that and I have never met you.

Small steps. Volunteer in a shop one/two days a week so that you build up your confidence.
Plan your goal, but break it down into small steps.
Plan your next move around things that you enjoy doing.
Push yourself out of your comfort zone once you've taken a few small steps.
What is it that you'd actually like to do? What would make your heart sing?!