Am I being over sensitive?

[Geeceebee]

I left a few clothes at my boyfriend’s house the other day. We were talking earlier and he mentioned the phrase ‘big girl’s blouse’.

He knows I hate this phrase and then went on to say, ‘I’ve got a few big girl’s blouses at my house’. He was referring to the clothes at his. I asked him what he meant. He said ‘what do you think I mean?’ When I pressed him he eventually said, ‘well you’re an adult aren’t you’?

Am I overreacting or was he being a twat?

I don’t know that you mean - but if someone has a certain saying that they have always said - it will be hard for them to stop it . Even when you tell them you don’t like it

I always understood 'a big girl's blouse' meant much the same as a 'wet blanket' i.e. weak and watery.

It’s not a phrase he uses Regularly but it’s a phrase I really don’t like. I think he was calling me fat. I.e. I’m the ‘big girl’ who wears the blouses.

Perhaps I am reading too much into it!

I think so; google 'big girl's blouse'.

Maybe he was meaning people might think they were his .

I wouldn’t be too chuffed TBH.
Big girls blouse is a phrase for a soft shite. Or is he implying big girl as in plus size. (Neither are implicitly bad things I speak as a larger sized soft shite here). Using a phrase I’d said I didn’t like though....could just be his habit or he could there be a bit of winding up going on?

Big girls blouse = wet blanket.
Nothing about your weight!

Many years ago, someone used to refer to me as BGB and I didn't like it.
I would not rise to it but I'd think he was a dickhead.

I don’t know. Things haven’t been great between us recently. I think he senses me pulling away from him and I wonder if he’s being a bit spiteful.

I am a size 16 and over 6ft and he knows I am sensitive about my weight. I’ve always felt massive compared to other people.

I think you're being over sensitive and he's not funny- assuming he's trying to make a joke there, it's tedious.

If it's not a phrase he normally uses why has it come up that you don't like it? Such a strange thing to take issue with, I don't think I've heard anyone under about 75 say it for years.

He's a tosser. You're not being oversensitive, 16 sounds quite small for someone over 6 ft, so you probably look fine.

I don't get it. Big girls blouse = wet blanket. Not minimising your feelings just not sure it's being explained correctly? Sounds like there are deeper issues x

The phrase as I have heard it (and it's quite old fashioned) has nothing to do with a woman's size or clothes.

It just means a wimp, or weak person- indeed it's applied to men rather than women.

Maybe this guy's vocabulary is at odds with yours......

Do you think he may have meant big-bosomed in an appreciative way?

so nice

He sounds like a negging twat with a tedious sense of 'humour'

He didnt just say you're a big girls blouse (which I think is misogynistic in itself as it implies something feminine is inferior) but he also made a point of having big girls blouses at his house referring to your clothes as that of a big girl, implying you are a big girl.

Not the best start to a new relationship and I think this will only get worse. Have you tried talking to him about it? If he sincerely apologised for hurting your feelings then maybe give him another chance. If he seems pissed off he is being pulled up on this and expects you to just get over it as it was a 'joke', I'd bin him immediately.

You're not being over sensitive and I've been with guys like this before who constantly gave subtle put downs disguised as jokes to try and make me feel inferior.

If someone said that to me I would think they were calling me a big woose. As in pathetic, spineless.

I knew before you even said it that you had sensitivities around your weight. You took it he meant fat girls blouse. I wouldn’t have taken it as that at all.

It difficult to know if he meant what he said, ie an adult woman is a big girl, (which is ok if he didn’t know you’re sensitive but I’m not sure that he was so innocent) or if he was being mean and saying hurtful things on purpose.

Does he ever say other mean things, like you could do without eating that chocolate bar, or anything else mean?

If not I think it’s a one off and after you pulled him up for it he shouldn’t do it again. If he does, knowing how much it upsets you, then you know he’s doing it deliberately.

Id not want to be around someone who deliberately hurt my feelings and either laughed or went in a mood if I pulled him up about it, so you’re quite right to be annoyed if he took either course of action on seeing you genuinely upset, and I’d be wondering what other issues may crop up later if he isn’t respectful.

You're not being over-sensitive. Don't stop listening to your instincts which are telling you that he was putting you down. Sounds like a put-down to me. And it's classic to follow up this kind of put-down with a claim that the other person is being 'over-sensitive' or that you misunderstood - 'You're an adult aren't you?' You then start to doubt your own feelings. Look up 'negging'.

From your information I’d say he’s being at best a not funny tease and at worst an arsehole. If it makes you feel uncomfortable it’s not ok and I wouldn’t continue seeing him. It’ll be something else he’ll seize on to upset you with even if he stopped with the BGB comments.

He definitely didn’t mean big boobs. I’m not that well endowed.

He often says things that I find hurtful but then explains them away as me being cover sensitive.

Yes, a pp has it right - if he’d said that I’m a big girls blouse, I would not have been so upset. It’s just he said that he has some big girls blouses in his house - like I’m the big girl.

He hasn’t apologised just said that I’m over reacting. Then he gives me the silent treatment.

@Geeceebee, this guy is 100% a narcissist and is emotionally abusing you. The silent treatment (also known as stone walling) is a very common emotional abuse tactic and is designed to control you.

The constant putdowns are known as devaluing and telling you you are overreacting is gaslighting. Please end this relationship immediately. You are in an abusive relationship and these men never change. Things will only get worse if you stay, I promise. Look up signs of narcissism, there are some excellent videos on youtube

And also, please realise these putdowns are very tactical. They are designed to erode your self esteem so you are less likely to leave the relationship and easier to control. Also, narcissists are extremely jealous of your good qualities (they are empty shells filled with nothing but hatred) and will project their bad qualities onto you.

For example, he tells you it's only a joke and you have a bad sense of humour for being offended but think about how sensitive he is to jokes at his expense or any perceived criticism and you see him rage or get the silent treatment, right? Can't you see how it's one rule for him and another for you (showing his narcissistic entitlement)

Dont take anything he says personally and certainly dont show you it bothers you in any way. They feed off negative reactions. This says everything about him and nothing about you, you just unfortunately got trapped with an abusive man like many of us here.

You deserve so much more than this

Hi OP there is no connection at all between mentioning clothes and “big girls blouse” in the sense that it means a wet blanket - to me he was having a dig at you - but you mentioned pulling away from him anyway - so what’s stopping you ending it with him. You definitely do not sound overweight.