Have changed my name for this one so if you do recognise me don't let on!
We've been ttc for nearly 2 years and have a child already. We've both been feeling under pressure but have tried to stay positive throughout. We're undergoing fertility treatment at the moment - nothing major just drugs for me although there's nothing wrong with either of us in theory.
We went out last night, 1st time in yonks for me, and I made a real effort and thought I looked nice. Dh did say as much when I came downstairs. We were going to a party but stopped off for a drink on our own first and had a lovely chat. On the way to the party I said something along the lines of his luck might be in tonight and he responded in a very 'whatever' kind of way. We're quite a physical couple and, although the sex has obviously been revolving around ttc, I always make an effort for it to be enjoyable and he does too, most of the time. Having said that, the last 2 times this month he sort of just lay there and said 'you'll have to help if you want to make babies' and I hope it's not TMI to say that I had to use every trick in the book to rouse some attention!
Back to last night - I told him I was hurt by his reaction, esp as we're at the end of my cycle, so the sex would have been purely 'recreational'. He apologised and said he just didn't feel very sexual at the moment and that to tell the truth, he was glad each month when my fertile period was over so that we could both have a break from it for a while. I know he's got a point but I felt very hurt by his brutal honesty. I actually said to him that there were plenty of times I didn't feel like it but I made an effort anyway. I felt the whole evening was a dead loss then and told him I'd go home and pick him up later, as the party was for his work colleagues and I wasn't drinking. We actually parted on fairly good terms and I was sure I didn't want him to come with me; I wanted some time to think about things and then we could talk later. I said not to stay too long at the party and he agreed.
To cut a long story slightly less long - I went home and woke up fully clothed and freezing 2 hours later with no sign of a call from dh. I went to bed and he got in about an hour later - more or less paralytic. We didn't speak until this morning and I couldn't stop crying as I felt like I'd really needed him last night and he'd let me down. He's been walking round like a kicked puppy all day.
I know he's probably feeling very stressed with all this pressure ttc but I can't accept his apology yet, I feel too angry. It's made me think 'is it all worth it?' on the ttc front. I know there are loads of people much worse off than us but I can't get from under this black cloud today. Sorry for rambling.