How to encourage partner to lose weight for his health

[rainyday1234]

I have a wonderful partner who is perfect for me in every way.

However, the only thing that is bothering me is that he is a good few stone overweight. This may make me sound horrible but I want him to be healthy. I met him when he was overweight.

What I'm asking is how do I encourage him to lose weight for his health? He IS going to the gym but probably not enough at the moment. I know ultimately he needs to do this for himself but sometimes when I look at him, I think that he's putting himself at risk at all sorts of diseases because most of the weight is around his middle. I might lose him to a heart attack or an illness caused by being overweight.

He lost lots of weight years ago and was slim for many years so I know he can do it but then became depressed and put a lot of weight on. He's taking medication which may be contributing to the problem.

What things can I do to help him and his health? I have spoken to him about my concerns but he gets upset when I mention it but does agree with me. If I was overweight I might be offended at first if a partner said something but I'd know it was true and I needed to get healthier.

Has anyone ever been in this situation? What is the best way to make him understand I'm concerned without upsetting him?

Please don't think I'm being horrible. I love my partner very much and that's the reason why I would like him to lose weight - for our hopefully long future together. I know you shouldn't want to change your partner but I want him in my life for as long as possible and don't want to lose him.

The great majority of weight loss is down to diet rather than exercise, so going to the gym more isn't the answer. Anyhow I'm sure he's well aware of his weight. I don't know how you can bring this up without inadvertently offending him. Perhaps other people have ideas.

Do you live together?

If so can you go on a health kick together with food?

There is very little you can do to kick start an effort from him if he does not want to. Also you risk him seeing you as a nag and a killjoy. You've mentioned it and he knows it is a problem, so I don't think mentioning it again will help right now.

My other half is finally trying to lose weight after a bit of a health scare, but obviously you would rather it not come to that.

The gym will not make a great deal of difference, though is to be encouraged as he may see fitter people there and want to emulate them. Also gyms often have food-related challenges or information readily available. The gym could make a huge difference if he is prepared to go for some personal training, as they usually address weight and being accountable to someone other than himself and you might just make a difference.

Otherwise I think all you can do is try to identify the problem areas of eating/drinking and see if you can nudge him to more healthy practices. You may need to join him in some of these endeavours, whether or not you have weight to lose. For instance if you are doing the cooking, do a healthy veg-based stir fry rather than whatever you might otherwise have done. If you like to go out for a drink together see if you can suggest the occasional other activity - bowling, cinema, a nice walk.

The best, and only, thing you can do is to lead by example. Cook healthy meals. Don't bring shit food into the house. Start your own aggressive work out plan. If he see you taking your health seriously, it might inspire him to do the same. The bottom line is that nothing you say will change anything. He has to decide this for himself. If he refuses to help himself and continues to get even fatter, you then have to decide if this is the life you want with a partner who will end up ill or disabled.