I'm on net mums a lot but my name has been changed as I'm simply embarrassed.
I really hate to admit this but I'm becoming really concerned about my mental health.
To everyone else I appear to be one of the strongest women they know, after all in the last year I've had 3 misscarriages, ectopic pregnancy, surgery to remove my tube and countless tests which have all resulted in " bad luck".
My partners sister in law is now expecting a baby within the next 2 weeks, I know I'm going to struggle immensely with this and I know she will purposely make me feel shit. She has a history of nasty comments to me.
" I don't see you two ever having children personally"
" because your misscarriages now the family can't enjoy my pregnancy because their worried"
Trust me, there is so many more.
I think by family and friends I have felt let down in so many ways as people don't know what to say, so they either say nothing or the totally wrong thing.
I'm really starting to struggle now, I've been working the whole time, renovating a house, what feels like babysitting my partner and just feeling so extremely low.
I feel like none of my friends could possibly understand what I'm going through ( well in fact they have openly admitted that they don't and a few have apologised as I'm always giving them therapy about their " hard life's")
I'm not saying what I've been through is harder than their breakup with their partner by any means because I know how much that can hurt, but I just feel like I'm constantly listening to everyone else moan and no one ever asks how I am. In fact I recently went through my 4th misscarriage and no one but my partner even knows.. just because theirs no point telling them as no one asks if I'm feeling okay anyways
My mum feels so sorry for herself at the fact she isn't a nanny yet which drives me crazy. She has two other children who will one day make her a nanny but for me... I might never be a mum.
I'm losing all hope, I don't really know what the point of me writing this all out was tbh. But just needed to rant.
My partner still smokes, still drinks and hasn't even tried to change his disgustingly horrible diet to even try maybe help everything that's going on.
We also discussed adoption but he doesn't feel ready yet, I feel like I probably need to talk to someone but I'm so scared to have counselling or speak up incase it effects our chances or ever being able to adopt too ..