Being told a few things when other half is drunk don’t know what to do about it

[Jmbwl]

Sorry if this bores anyone but I can’t get this out of my head. Two days ago my bf had a good few to drink and when we went to bed he started talking about his past relationships I kept telling him I didn’t want to hear it as I knew exactly where it would end up.
When I was 16 and he was 18 we was both living in a hostel and not in a good place we was kind of together but I got drunk and ended up sleeping with someone he knew... years have passed and now I’m 30 he’s 32 we’ve both had a child from another relationship and we have two kids together. He started on me saying that when he was with his sons mum he’s used to use me to have sex because he wanted to hurt me like I’d hurt him and I would never of ever been enough for him, he also told me that he wouldn’t ever fully commit to me because he doesn’t trust me and never fully will. He called me a slag and said that I was never anything more than a shag when he was with his ex... all because of something I did when I was 16... we’ve been back together three years and had two children in that time this isn’t the first time he’s thrown it in my face when he’s been drunk I genuinely felt like he’s broken my heart by all these nasty comments, then last night we had intercourse it was good I felt like we was close again but afterwards he was analysing it and was comparing our sex to past experiences 😞 I don’t know what to do or say or feel I don’t know how he wants me to feel I don’t know why he’s with me if he wants to hurt me I don’t know why we’ve had two kids

All the best you and your children deserve better

Look after yourself

Toxic with a capital T

Thank you everyone night one has been very difficult iv been awake most of it, and yeah I was in a youth hostel for three years didn’t really have the best childhood and start in life and it’s damn sure not what I want my kids to go through I couldn’t put them in a position I was in where I had no choice and to be homeless and alone at 16... now I own my own home and have a brilliant job I drive etc... iv done it all by myself

Well done - that must have been a hard decision but it sounds like the best one for you. He was being abusive emotionally and you have had the strength to see it and act on it before you got trapped with him inside his negative feelings. Brilliant! You’re a strong person and though it will surely be hard in the coming months you can do this. Glad you have support from your nan. Mumsnet is here too 🌷

That’s a fantastic achievement. You’ve done well considering your start.
Look at the Freedom programme run by women’s aid to help with boundaries with men.
Good luck.🌺

@Jmbwl well done I thought that this would be another " but he's a goodman " thread, you have done amazingly well be proud of yourself

But I felt like we knew each other before getting back together as we did have a lot of history.

Time and time again posters on MN use this excuse to accelerate a relationship and it comes back to bite them.

He sounds unpleasant and he has done a good job of hiding his deep seated disrespect of you. What can you do? Make a decision about investing more time in a man who thinks the way he does. I suspect there are other behaviours/ red flags than you’re in denial about.

And now you realise you don’t know him and he’s an arsehole. Fortunately, fo

I didn’t RTFT properly. Good for you!

Believe me I’m not investing any more time in any man I’m investing all my time in my babies

Good for you. This is a massive step. Best of luck xx