I'm going to try make a short version of what the problem is, otherwise I'm afraid I will talk for ages. My dad is overall a nice person but he does have an explosive temper. It's been like this since I can recall; he shouts, swears, call people (mostly family) hurtful names, slams doors etc..
I believe he's mostly his personality, but also the fact that his behaviour was always minimized, as my mother would try to stay out of his outbursts or laugh about them. Lately, it's become a massive issue, especially during his visits.
He picks up fights, if I ignore his attempts he bacomes very nasty (calling me horrible names), saying things that hurt me in general. He doesn't understand that people are hurt by all this. My parents left yesterday and I must admit I lost my cool and shouted when he was here, after he told me I'm arrogant, disrespectful and talk behind his back. I was blindsided as when they come we normally take them out for dinner and shopping and we definitely do not spend time talking about him.
Now, I'm due my second DC this winter and I told them I don't want them here for the birth, but they can visit later. I'm really anxious and keep thinking something will happen to the baby because I was so horrible to him. I'd like to learn how to interact with him and ignore all the stuff he says when he's here.
He was really annoyed I asked them not to come immediately for the birth and spent good part of the evening muttering under his breath (DH asked me what he was saying). He's just so negative, always talking badly about people for no reason, saying things that make me uncomfortable, never able to chill and be laid back.
How do I approch it? He gets really defensive if I tell him how it makes me feel and just starts minimising or saying I exaggerate. Everything is a personal attack. I'm drained.