Flakes

[Waytooearly]

Just venting. There are a lot of flakes out there.

I left my husband about 1.5 years ago. He had an alcohol problem (rehab etc.) but decided he didn't want treatment. We're friendly and both dating now. Don't regret it.

But for all the alcohol stuff (he would be normal for months and then binge) at least we met, fell in love, committed to each other, married, shared a home and life.

I think I thought that when I was ready to date again, I would eventually find the right person and all that would happen again, the same pattern.

But what's up with the flakes? Yeah, I don't expect a marriage proposal on date 2 but I am looking to share my life with someone,not mess around.

I dated a guy who said the most beautiful things about me, wanted to meet my family, wanted me to meet his, and then... Yeah. We last had a date about a month ago. Okay he has a right to go off me but wtf?

And then what's with the guys who just want to text? Two guys n particular, we have friends in common so I know they're not married, using language like "I should send Roses to you" or "Maybe I should ask you on a date". I've just cut them off with "I'll believe it when I see it". But wtf is that about? They want an imaginary text girlfriend? Like where is that even going?

I prefer Twirls. They're not as messy as Flakes. I don't think there are a lot more Flakes than Twirls, necessarily.

Oh, hang on...

When I was OLD years ago, I found there were loads of flaky women. It really isn't a man thing at all. I think a lot of it is down to social media, internet, texting etc. In Ye Olde Days you met someone at school, college, work, out on a night out. You'd be down the phone box with your 5ps or getting nagged at by your parents for being on the phone too long. But now there is the whole conveyor belt mentality of online dating, Facebook, it's all a case of "there will be another one along in a minute".

We see here on the various threads about dating not to put all your eggs in one basket, date several people at the same time and if you're doing that I think it's much easier to just drop or ghost someone than if you were only seeing the one person, even if you've only had a couple of dates.

As for the just texting thing, you get women doing that or women recommending men do lots of texting to somehow prove they want more than just sex.

In other words, it is what it is.

I mean, there's no way to develop a relationship if we don't actually spend time together in real life.

You’re right about the men (can’t speak for women as I’ve only dated men!) who just want to text (oh, and sext of course). All I can say is when you find someone who wants to see you, he’ll make the effort and you’ll know you’ve found a keeper. But it’s really fucking tiring sometimes dealing with the “virtual” daters. I guess without OLD you’d never really have gone past the “can I buy you a drink” chat stage with those guys. They’d have been keen in the pub or whatever but all the same you’d never have heard from them again. It’s just with OLD they have a way to pass the time texting you when they’re at a loose end.

Exactly! Are you meeting these people online? It’s difficult because you have no point of reference.
I’m a widow and frankly looking at my friends and their relationships I think I’m better off! Of course I’d give anything for my husband to be alive but what I mean is I’m certainly not going to have a relationship just for the sake of it. And I’m not going online.
One main thing that attracted me to my husband was he was decisive and determined. I didn’t have to guess his feelings for me. There were no games.
You’re right there’s just too much access to people out there and many just seem to want to have all the chocolates! Or at least a nibble from each one...

Yes that's true.

There is definitely no sexting with these guys, like e I say we have friends in common.

I'm definitely not going to do online dating. That's probably All Flakes All The Time.

I just don't understand what they get out of it. I mean, it's a beautiful day, let's go to the park. If we have a dreadful time together at least we'll know!

Maybe the next time a nice guy asks for my number I'll just say I don't have a phone but let's fix a date for coffee and stroll.

No, not meeting anyone online.

The guy who I thought was serious had actually been a friend for years. A few months after my separation he got in touch and said he had feelings for me. Obviously I took things really slow but just as I was starting to think we were an item and I'd Found Love Again he flaked.

I mean, I know that means he's a dick and bullet dodged, but still.

Completely agree!

Like @ShatnersWig said it’s laziness created by the virtual conveyor belt. I’ll create a pool of virtual admirers and when one stands out enough, I might make a move or maybe just wait for something better.

Seems to be the technology-enabled trend these days :(