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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need to find the strength

7 replies

Iwishicould · 06/08/2019 00:00

Iam 32 been with my man for 14 year got two kids mortgage . My hole relationship seem to be based on him not being faith full . I say to my self every time I should have left after the first time he was unfaithful. Throw out the 14 years I have stayed faith too him . But now after losing count on how much times he’s cheated on me with other girls ect I have 0 worth 0 self confidence I get by because of my kids . Part of me feels like I put up because I don’t want them to have a broken home ! It’s woman after woman dating sites talking on social media . Meeting up sleeping with them. I find out every time throw my self having a gut feeling like I ain’t getting the night night xx texts or the good morning ones . And it normally comes down to the good old going tho his phone seeing it for my self every time . When asked he has no reason for doing it a few times he has said he just can’t help him sel . He’s sorry I forgive . Silly me . So after about 8 years of this on and off feeling secure and happy to then getting gut feeling and being hurt . This times it’s some woman he’s meet chatted and meet up self with I found out forgive . Silly me again . but he still continued to speak with her said he had no feelings for her . But one very very strong thing that has stayed in my mind is that he told her tho text what more can I do to make her hate me ! I want to stay strong and walk away for good this time even tho it breaks my heart to do so for some strange reason . But I don’t think I have it in me. It’s like it’s became normal to me to get over . I thought I’d come to here to see if talking with others would help give me strength . Thank Karen

OP posts:
user1486131602 · 06/08/2019 00:10

I’m sorry, what a total shit and coward he is!
Please stop feeling sorry, look at how much he is hurting you, how much YOU are letting him hurt you.
Do you want your kids to think this is the normal way women should be treated. No!
Spend tonite feeling sorry for yourself the start tomo afresh.
Get rid of him.
You are still young at 32, you still have a life to live, be kinder to yourself, you deserve better. He is choosing to do this and you are letting him.
Time to walk away x

Iwishicould · 06/08/2019 00:20

Thank you . I feel like your words are strong and are very true from a little post witch is a quick drafted of 8 years . I feel all that u have said . If I can find the strength in me not to cave in and forgive then Iam on the right path . Iv told him tomorrow morning he’s to leave are family home . Witch is my first step . Thank u for taking time to reply to my post

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 06/08/2019 00:28

I’m sorry you are going through this. You do not deserve it and your kids dont either. Its not a happy and fulfilling relationship is it? So why waste any more time? I’d find out how you can manage without him re the house etc and bills and get him to leave. Do you have family and friends to support you? You’re only 32 you can move on. It will be hard but better than staying with a cheat. Dont you think you deserve better?

Hidingtonothing · 06/08/2019 00:29

You've come to the right place Smile What you need is to hear (well, read) lots of strong, bright women telling you how disgusting he is and how much more you deserve. Read the posts over and over, they will give you that little spark of self worth you need to find your anger.

Because that's what you need, anger, to give you the strength to walk away from him. And you should be raging, he has betrayed you, lied to you and taken you for a fool over and over again, frankly you should be fucking incandescent. You can do this, you just need to believe you can and we can help you with that Flowers

Lozzerbmc · 06/08/2019 00:30

Get some solicitors advice re mortgage and where you stand financially. Good luck you can do it!!!

Iwishicould · 06/08/2019 00:39

He is the main income . So I couldn’t see my self managing to take over the mortgage ect but right now it’s the last thing on my mind I feel like if I put that over to one side until I get over my first step of truly leaving him first then deal with House money ect . I feel you are 100% correct about the anger I need to feel that anger as over all this years I could honestly say I don’t give anger over it because Iam so used to it !

OP posts:
Iwishicould · 06/08/2019 00:41

I do have family and friends and they would be a huge help to me but i feel like Iv cry woof to them so much time in past when Iv tryed to leave and just forgive and went back .

OP posts:
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