Tonight isn't one of my strong nights :(

[lonelyheartsclubband]

I'm a regular poster, but NC for this. Purely out of embarrassment I think.

I have two DS. I'm divorced. I'm expecting another DS in December, with a different person.

The new baby's father doesn't contact me anymore. He has a new girlfriend and isn't interested in becoming a father. He's told his family the baby isn't his and his new girlfriend doesn't know anything. I simply don't bother with him anymore.

Most days I'm okay. I'm quite happy to be alone, and always say I couldn't consider being in another relationship after so much mistrust. I don't let it bother me.

But today it's been overwhelming. I have thoughts I can't block out like I usually do. Just feel empty. I feel lonely. I have friends that I can count on one hand and still have fingers left over. A few are unreliable and selfish to the point where I'm ready to drop them for good, but can't help but think I'll be left with no one.

Today I resent the baby's father for disappearing. He legged it as soon as he found out I was pregnant. I resent people I see in relationships and when I think about the fact I'm on my own, I just want to cry.

I think I'm having a pity party and hope this isn't the start of me spiralling. I feel empty, worthless and used.

Not even sure why I'm posting, maybe just need a handhold :(

I'll hold your hand, OP.

Baby's dad - what a loser. You're well rid there.

How old are your first two kids? Are they school age? Is it going to be possible to use baby groups as a way of expanding your social circle? I didn't when I had my DS. I think I felt too young and didn't do much investigating of what was available in my area, but a lot of people I know who are having babies now seem to be making really good friends through their babies.

Speak to your midwife if you really feel that you are unusually low.

You can absolutely do this

Thank you 💐

My sons are 10 and 3. Best boys I could have ever asked for, I've been very lucky with them.

I'll definitely look into groups when number 3 is here.

I'm hoping it's just hormones playing up today and trying not to think too much into it. 🙁

Another hand hold from me.

It's okay to have a pity party after the way you've been treated. Hurl stuff, cry, go for it (without waking your kids!). Really get it out of your system.

Just having pregnancy hormones surging around is a good enough reason for all of that anyway.

Tomorrow is a new day and your DSs will put a smile back on your face. Be gentle with yourself. You're allowed to be upset and this doesn't mean that it's the start of a spiral, just a wee blip.

Thank you @KitchenDancefloor

Hoping after a long sleep I'll wake up tomorrow reading my OP thinking "really...? 🤨" haha!

Bloody hormones

Bloody men

😂

I've just had a pity party because my pillow isn't right and I have PMT. I've got no excuse 😂

Have a lovely day with your boys tomorrow

@lonelyheartsclubband sounds like you're better off without him! Also it's ok to feel down about it from time to time but just keep going xx

It's pretty daunting even if you have had children before, babies are a big deal! Nothing wrong with feeling a bit meh today.

Please don't envy or compare to couples with kids, life is tricky, they may not even be happy together.
You've had a lucky escape from the git who doesn't even deserve to father a child, your little one (and consequently older siblings) deserve better- and a happier mummy at that!

Don't really know what I'm trying to say, I'm tapping with one squinty eye open with a restless 11 week old next to me but just felt I needed to say something even if it has come out badly.

Of course you're not worthless. A few good friends are priceless and you have two boys who love you.
It's the hormones.
Hugs.

You deserve more than this OP and again another hand hold from me

I agree with PP that baby/mother and toddler groups will be a good way to meet other mums and expand your social circle.

Do you have much support in terms of your own family? Or extended family?

And will the baby's father's family want to be involved in your DS' life?

I thought I'd feel better today and I just don't. I feel so internally sad and really trying to keep myself from crying.

@Saharasunset his family told me not to contact them until I can provide dna when the baby is born. 🙁

Sometimes life just gets you like that OP. I’m not in your situation but I’ve had a lot going on too this year, bereavement, crap at work, family fall out etc and early last week I couldn’t even get out of bed. I just cried all day. I found since then getting little things done each day and having a routine has managed to pull me out of it. I don’t really confide in anyone as I feel wallowing and self pitying but one friend called in and she’s been great checking up on me. It’s ok to have low days, probably entirely normal. Just be kind to yourself, keep going, little by little you’ll feel better. You are fabulous, you know this. Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves

Hah! Provide the dna then straight to CMA. What a self absorbed cock.

If there's any silver lining, your new baby is never going to be constantly let down by a father who blows hot and cold.

I do suffer with mental health issues. I thought I was coping okay, I'm medicated. I seem to go some months powering through then all of a sudden it creeps back and I ignore it, then all of a sudden the depression is there.

There was a major family fall out last year. I've only just started seeing my mother again after a year, my family aren't people I'd want to confide in after what happened and I intend to keep them at arms length.

I have about three friends. The way I feel at the moment, I can't bring myself to speak to anyone.

@PickAChew yeah, you're 100% right. As it stands I'd rather not go out of my way to prove anything and I'm not interested in his money. He's already accused me of trapping him for his money. His family want the dna because he told them the baby wasn't his. He knows it's his, he's told me.

I'm just too tired and drained so I've cut him out and I think he's pleased I have. I have no intention in speaking to any of them at all in the future.

You didnt 'trap' him into having sex that could result in conception. All men should know there is a chance of this. Its his responsibility too.

I know it is. I just don't have the energy to force him to see that.