I don't know what to do.

[Winona45]

I'm not sure where to start.
Been with DH since we were very young. 29 years together in total. Always tricky, we should have split a long time ago. Instead i clearly became co dependent and we had 3 kids together.
Over the last few year's he's got more and more paranoid and just odd about things. He stopped work due to a diagnosis of M.E which put a massive strain on me as main earner and basically the person who did everything. He then stopped going out anywhere. Literally.
We haven't done anything as a couple in 2 year's plus.
He barely leaves the house and i do everything from work full-time to house work and child stuff.

Anyway 4 weeks ago he became manic, paranoia went crazy, convinced a huge conspiracy was happening and that everyone was out to get him/kill him etc. It had been brewing for months but just all came out.

I asked him to leave as i couldn't cope and he went willingly as he believed there are people after him connected to our house. I don't believe a word its all nonsense and he is distraught i don't believe and wont endorse his paranoia. He sees it as a betrayal.

Since then he hasn't left where he is. His mother's.
Relatives have got him to see a gp and soon he starts with a psychiatrist.

He still utterly believes he's in danger and keeps begging me to leave our house.
Which is an impossibility.

I miss him but i can't talk to him any more. I don't want to. I can't hear it. He isn't the person i knew.
Aside from the mental illness I've found him so hard to live with over the last few years, my life was so empty and depressing and now this almost feels like a chance to escape.

Im scared though. Im 45 and alone with 3 kids. Plus he now keeps contacting me which im finding so hard. He's obviously thinking things through, saying the right things, trying to make amends but im not sure i care. I feel so guilty.
I just don't know how to move on or if it's right to.

OP if it is over for you mentally, which it sounds like it is, this is the time and opportunity to make that change. He is getting medical help and has his family around him.

I dont know the age of your kids, but given his symptoms I would be very very wary of having him back until totally mentally stable in any event.

As a SM with 3 kids, you will be fine. You are essentially simply losing an additional man child. But I understand your fear.

Keep strong xxx

Yes, this is your chance to escape and you absolutely should take it. There comes a point where you have to accept you can do no more and it sounds like you've reached it.

As for the guilt, it's highly likely this relationship is unhealthy for both of you, so you may well be setting him free to be happier as well as yourself. And you matter too, you deserve peace and happiness and he brings you neither

I'm in a similar position to yours except that I am the object of my DHs delusions. He has had an escalating belief that I've been cheating with complete paranoia about everything around us. I left him a month ago but it is really hard because I want to fix him and can't.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like you are in the same boat. After much research and persistance, I am coming to the realization that you just can't fix them and the road to recovery for people with these types of MH issues is long and painful for everyone.

Ask yourself this:
Are you prepared for the next few years of feeling hopeful on the good days then feeling helpless/hopeless every other day? I tried to fix my DH (still trying from afar) but at the end of the day, you have to look after yourself and your kids. If he gets worse, you will suffer a lot of emotional pain so maybe it's good that he has moved out and made the decision for you.