This isn't normal parenting behaviour is it?

[Chocrichtea]

I've had counselling a few times which originally were for abusive relationships. They always ended up talking about my mum. How angry i was for how she was to me and my sister growing up. Smacking me when i thought we had not done anything that wrong. Her temper was awful. She would give the silent treatment for days including our dad. Ungrateful for presents we brought her. Even as small children she would sulk and say i don't like them. One time she even sulked and didn't come to the mothers day meal with us.

As i got older she would try control us. Telling us she didnt like what we were wearing. When we were younger she would tell us to change and we would but challenged her more when we were older. Wouldn't like our hair/make up. I remember she chose my 18th birthday dress, i werent that keen on it. If she didn't want us to do something she would be in our ear trying to scare us and make us anxious. She still does this. I have depression and anxiety and now i know where alot of it comes from!
Invaded privacy, looked through my phone. Diaries i'd hidden as a teenager. Mocked me for them.

I've known for a few years i needed to distance myself from her. But i'm a single parent with not many friends so relied on my parents alot. I guess i wanted company and reassurance. She adores my DS so does help with him now and then. However over the past few weeks i've really needed her emotionally, however she has not been there for me. Minimising and saying im over reacting. She blocked me this morning and blamed me for putting strain on my parents marriage saying i'm putting her in a bad mood and shes taking it out on my dad in turn.

I feel in absolute pieces. I feel so alone. I feel she is a narcissist. I know i should prob go NC but its just so hard because shes my mum and i love her but at the same time i hate her.

Sorry that was a long post.

The most important job as a parent, as I'm sure you know from your own child, is to provide a loving, supportive and as stable a background and foundation as you can. It's pretty clear your mother failed miserably in this and I'm sure it explains, in large part, your getting into abusive relationships. You know she has been awful. Whether you are better to stay in contact or not isn't maybe so clear but realising she's done a terrible job might help. I hope you get to a happier place, OP

I just don't know how to move past this. I've been reading up on narcissist mothers tonight and i relate to every single word. The descriptions of the children of these parents describes me down to a tee. I'm insecure, low self esteem, doubt myself, depression, anxiety, been in abusive relationships, co-dependant.

I always knew her care weren't great but its like a light bulb has gone on and now it all clicks that shes a narcissist

Any advice from women with narcissistic mothers? How do you heal?

I'm not really someone to help with practical advice but I think the usual thing here is no, or low contact with very very strict boundaries.

Bump

I just don't know how to move past this.
I spent years in therapy following a shitty childhood with a controlling abusive mother. My heart goes out to you.
The main thing about getting past it is you’ll find that you do it bit by bit, almost approaching it sideways, not head on.
Your counselling will help you to see it clearly and to let the feelings out. Being heard and believed is a big part of getting past it.
You’ll find that you want to be scrupulously honest with yourself and others about your motivations for your behaviour, and you’ll be willing to take responsibility for your feelings, not try to use others to make you feel better like your mum did.
All of this will be empowering, and is another big part of getting beyond it.
Give yourself space and time, it won’t happen next week, but keep up your counselling sessions and you will find light at the end of the tunnel I promise.

I used to despise everything about myself and have no confidence or self esteem. Now I feel stable and happy and never give myself a hard time.
You will be able to make choices that work for you about contact/ nc with your mum.
If I can do it you can honestly, I was a mess.

Much strength to you.

So sorry you’re going through this; I had a breakdown on a train when I had a lightbulb moment and realised my ex-H truly had narcissistic personality disorder, it can really shake you to your core, physically.

You can research more on ACON (Adult Children of Narcissists) and I recommend a book, -Out of the FOG, moving from confusion to clarity after narcissistic abuse- which has great clarity on how you CAN (and should) remove or distance yourself from people even if they are a parent, and start to heal.

Good luck x

Thank you. I don't have counselling anymore. It's quite costly and being a single parent it's alot of money. Also I don't have any one to look after ds while I go now