Hello
I’m new to Mumsnet so please be gentle with me!
I’m looking for a bit of advice on a situation. Apologies in advance for the lengthy post.
Been literally best friends with this guy for 5 years and nothing happened during this time frame. We’re in our 20s. I’d been in other relationships, as had he. We grew closer at the beginning of this year. I eventually told him in April of this year that I was finding it difficult to just be friends with him. He had just came out of a LDR (I’m talking 5000 miles) (he ended it). He said he felt the same and wondered why nothing had ever happened yet. Grew closer still in light of this and eventually done “the deed” mid May. Went on a 2 week all inclusive holiday at the beginning of June, had a fantastic time and it wasn’t weird at all (I think because we’d been friends for so long before all of this). A few couples we met on holiday couldn’t believe we were “just friends” which prompted a private conversation about this. We both agreed we were enjoying how things were going but it was too early to label it as a relationship as such. He is a very caring person and doesn’t like to hurt peoples feelings. He also felt it would be hurtful to said LDR-ex to jump into another relationship when she had her suspicions about us previously.
We both work full time, him even more so than me as he has 3 jobs (main job (shift work) and 2 x side jobs). He usually only has 1 day off a week (mid-week). What I’m getting at is that he is v busy. I work Mon-Fri. I tend to only see him Friday evenings or Saturday evenings although some weekends we have spent the majority of the weekend together (if his work shifts allow). When we’re together it’s amazing, he get on so well (and always have done). It feels very relationshippy and part of the conversation on holiday included us both mentioning that we weren’t seeing anyone else nor did we want to.
We had a conversation a few weeks ago which was initiated by me due to the fact that I felt ready to be in a relationship with him. I didn’t feel anything would change by labelling it as a relationship, which he agreed with, but felt he wasn’t ready to go official as it’s more pressure/responsibility and he’s happy with the way things are. I resented and said I’m happy to carry on as we are, mostly for fear of losing him because the likelihood of us being friends if this all blows up in flames is slim.
To be honest, we’ve had a good few weeks after that conversation. He’s been posting pictures of me and him together, randomly bought me flowers the other day (his words, “you show respect to those you love & care about”). He’s told me that I’m so good to him and for him.
I feel like I’m quite far down on the list of priorities. I get Netflix and chill on a Friday night (or a date night, ONLY if I suggest it) whereas he’s always quick to make fun & exciting plans with his friends and I seem to just slot in where he can fit me in. He doesn’t physically have much more time to give than he already is, which isn’t the thing that bothers me, I can cope with only seeing him a few times a week but it’s the lack of commitment/direction/effort that is bothering me. I’m not inclined to make any more effort when I’m not even sure where this is going. I’m happy with what we have but the thing that doesn’t sit so well with me is that you shouldn’t be with someone who isn’t afraid of losing you and he seems quite happy just having me on a chilled basis whereas I’m coming to the terms with the fact that I’m not.
Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated. X