Mother in law annoyed with me

[lilcreed]

Hi all. My partner and I are 23 and have just bought a home together. We found out the same week buying the house that my parters father is being investigated for taking a photo of a 20 year old woman through her bedroom window and looking at child abuse material online.

My boyfriend and I had always planned to spend Christmas together, but have the family over on Boxing Day. My family were beginning to make plans so I panicked, and text the whole family inviting them over on Boxing Day. I didn’t text my partners Dad and said to my boyfriend that he may ask him verbally. I am a teacher, so whilst this is being investigated I am keeping minimal contact with my partners father.

I am more than happy for his father to visit on Boxing Day, but if he has really done the second thing then I have said to myself that I cannot have someone like that in our home. My mother in law is standing by her husband.

I’m wondering whether to just call the whole thing off as I think she is feeling annoyed that I am asking her to come without him if he has done this. I’m in a sticky situation and I’m feeling guilty for some reason?!

I don’t really know what I’m asking- but if anyone could give me some words of guidance then that would be great! I’m feeling that tensions are building as his family can’t seem to understand why I won’t see the Dad at the moment. I’m also feeling bad on my partner who just wants his family back together.

The only other option would be, if my partners Dad is found guilty, that my partner spends Boxing Day with his family and I spend it with mine. Although I don’t really want to do that as it encourages separate Christmas’ For the future.

perhaps I am using this as an excuse as I feel that it might hurt them less

@lilcreed that makes perfect sense

If you have kids together they will never be able to be around him and if your mil stays with him you can’t trust her not to have the disgusting pervert around your kids

I think that sort of stuff is best left till after any conviction. I don't think it helps the op calling him s disgusting pervert. However it demonstrates what the community will think. Mostly when this sort of thing happens, families end up having to move to where no one knows them. Paedophillia is one of the most heinous things and people have very strong feelings, it's likely the mother in law, and family may not be safe, if he is convicted.

Again, most people are posting as if he's been found guilty. If he had, this would be easier.
But refusing contact when someone is under investigation is harder. He's not been taken into custody. He's at home laying a 'normal' life. Refusing to have anything to do with him is a lot more difficult. It's saying that the OP has pronounced him guilty. If he's found not guilty, it's going to have long term repercussions. That will be why her partner and MIL are trying to behave normally.

Anything she says at this point has to be couched in very careful terms.

Laying= living