Difficult decision or maybe not?

[Namechangedforthis51]

I'm a regular on Relationships but have name changed as this seems all a bit surreal.
So, I been seeing A on and off for over a year. I've also been seeing B on and off for nearly 2 yrs but never at the same time. It's like I pingponged between the 2 as well as quite a few other short term dates that didn't go anywhere.
I've been quite happy and developed feelings for A but can't see it going anywhere as he lives with his parents and has younger kids than me. He also doesn't get on with his Ex and she uses the kids to get her own way. I've never met his kids.
Out of the blue B gets in touch and declares his love for me (v similar to what A did a couple of months ago). Unlike A, B has his own home, no agro from Ex and is keen to include my son in everything. We have so much in common and can talk about anything. A is more attractive and sex is brilliant with him. B is more manly and sex is v good.

I've told B that I need time to think this over. It seems crazy that I'm in a situation where I feel I have to chose between 2 men. If A wasn't on the scene then I'd defo run off into the sunset with B but I feel so bad about A.

What would you do?

Go for B, A has too much baggage. Be open and honest with A as much as possible and wish him well with his life.

I think you know what to do. Find Mr. Right and those two men aren’t him from your description.

Stop wasting your time with both of them.

What a lovely problem to have! Good luck deciding. Wish my life was this exciting. Just remember to be straight and not string anyone along for your own benefit. Men have feelings too.

B. Be straight with A and end things and move on with B.

The reason it didn't work with B was a lot to do with him doing shift work and me not making much effort. We were both stubborn about certain things and quite guarded emotionally. I think we both now realise how precious a connect with someone is and it has to be worked at. We talked for hours about what we want out of life and basically want the same. As much as I love A, the only future he's concerned about is renting somewhere so his kids can stay. I've been burying my head in the sand about this.

Out of the blue B gets in touch and declares his love for me (v similar to what A did a couple of months ago).

Are you just flattered - reacting to their declarations?

Would you have given B a second thought if he hasn’t got back in touch?

Neither. If A or B were right for you then you wouldn't need to post this, you would be with one of them. If you have to make a go of it with one and dumping them both isn't an option then B sounds like your better bet. Putting myself in A and B's shoes I wouldn't want to be with someone that was just settling for me over someone else in a love triangle.

I agree with PP i think if you are not sure its not right so I dont think either guy is right. You need to find option C!

CatInA yes, I agree with what you are saying! I keep a journal and often write down my thoughts and feelings and not so long ago I wrote about how I felt about B and how he ticked all my boxes. I would have never got back in touch with him, my stubbornness again! MrA was on the scene and I was happy to let things tick along as they were but deep down I'm disappointed.

Do both of these men even know about each other? It seems you would settle for anyone who gives you the right attention. However, it also seems you'll continue to see multiple men while stringing the others along for attention.

Fifteen - I told B all about A. I guess my point is that I'm attracted to both, obviously, as I wouldn't have yo yoed between them. There is an element of me being with someone rather than being alone.
I'm really not enjoying this, it's not a game for me.

Go for B but you’ll need to cut contact with A to be fair to him and to be able to give it a real go (in my opinion). You already know it won’t work with A and will just cause you heartache

Hmmm
Maybe make a spreadsheet with a list of attributes with scores attached?

Honestly- you've known them both for years, if you don't have genuine feelings for one or the other than you probably don't actually have genuine feelings.

Well, for what it's worth I told B that I'd still got feelings for A even though I knew deep down it's going nowhere but I can't simply switch my feelings off because he's turned up. He said that he understood and would give me all the time and space I needed.
I know it sounds horribly like he's literally plan B/second choice but he knows the score and is happy to wait and see.
If nothing else, it's given me a wake up call to talk to A and tell him how I'm feeling.

If B feels that he's ok with you having feelings for A. Then he's not full of self esteem. You don't need anyone like that. Both are door mats.
Get rid of both. Take time out to love yourself. Find C...eventually.