Hi
I'm not even sure where to post this topic, could be Mental Health or Religion or Relationships.
Sorry for the essay but I need to get this all out. I feel like I’m on the brink of a breakdown and I don’t know what to do. So as not to drip feed, I already suffer with depression and anxiety, which is managed by taking citalopram (anti-depressant).
My husband left me back in March, he wasn’t a particularly great husband (cheated on me twice, hit me several times, was very inconsistent and played mind games with me for months before packing his bags and moving out – leaving me with the bills.)
Part of me is glad he’s gone, the rest misses him terribly and cries myself to sleep every night. It’s weird being alone and my flat is filled with memories, stuff he hasn’t picked up. He still has some post sent here too which means I have to contact him to get him to come pick it up. He always asks me “how are you?” and I always reply with, “well erm, not great? You left me?” Like, what do you expect?
He will always roll his eyes and leave saying “you need to stop dwelling on the past and move on” etc. I reply with, “stop being so patronising, you’ve caused me a lot of anguish.” He will then send me a text asking me not to contact him because “he doesn’t need the guilt I give him.” 
Second problem is this (please bear with me). I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness and up until last year I was quite devout. For various reasons, I decided it wasn’t for me anymore and I was going to stop being a JW. (I’m not sure how familiar some of you are with the teachings but they’re very strict.) This has led to me being harassed by the “elders” of the congregation bombarding me with texts, phone calls, and a letter through my front door expressing concern and trying to arrange a meeting to “review my spirituality.” Even though I’ve said 3 times I won’t be attending a meeting, and I’d like to be left alone.
My brother (not a JW) spoke to an active JW last week and was told that the “elders” were planning to disfellowship me. For those of you who don’t know, disfellowshipping is like ex-communication. It’s very extreme and basically means I will be shunned. Everyone is expected to shun you. Even family. This will break my mother’s heart (she is a devout JW).
Third problem is my health in general. I have fibromyalgia, CFS, depression/anxiety, IBS, and polycystic ovarian syndrome. Sometimes it all gets too much. Sometimes the pain/general exhaustion is so great all I can do is cry.
I work full time and I’m terrified I’m going to lose my job because I’ve had a fair bit of time off lately (compassionate leave, due to the fact my boss is lovely and understood the pain I have gone through). Losing my job would be the last thing I need right now. How could I pay the bills or my rent? It was fine when I had 2 incomes, but now it’s just me. My monthly outgoings are £1350 and I normally bring home £1410. Very tight isn’t it? Someone suggested moving somewhere cheaper but I’m just exhausted at the idea of even considering it. I can’t afford to move.
All day today I’ve just been staring at my desk and crying in the toilets at lunch time. My head is constantly pounding, I’m not sleeping well and I feel so alone.
So the JWs are going to disfellowship me which will cut me off from my mum and my sister. I can’t keep up with the housework and I’m living on cheap ready meals. I just don’t know what to do to be honest, I just feel that I want to go to sleep and not wake up.