I posted in March/April 2017 about my H having had an EA for 4-6 months and finding out etc
I'm a regular lurker and not so regular poster(anymore) but been a member since 2005ish...
I'm not sure what I'm trying to gain from this post really but I know that there's so many of you out there who have been through an affair and have chosen to stay or leave so someone else's perspective is always useful regardless of if you agree with my decision to stay with him for now.
So my reason for posting is my H has now (finally) told me the truth about the affair and confirmed what I thought all along since I found out that it was a full blown physical affair.
He has a long history of lying (by omission mainly but if asked outright he will continue to lie to cover his arse/minimise his behaviour) and right up until last Wednesday maintained that he had never had sex with the OW and that it had only ever been sexting.
I didn't feel strong enough when I found out at the beginning to get past it all alone and make him leave and I felt I was to blame... I don't feel that now...
My perspective on this has changed and now that the details are in the open I have now started to try and actually process what I should have had the opportunity to process 2.5 years ago.
We are still together and keeping up appearances for now for the sake of DD (13yo) but I've set a time limit on how long this can go on for (5 years from now- twice the time since the affair ended so far) based on the knowledge that in many many ways, our relationship has actually been better in the last 18 months than before the affair but that's not taking into account that he has maintained the lie throughout that time.
It's mainly the lying that bothers me (and the sh*%ging another woman obv) but it's also something he has said when we've discussed it again last night that he doesn't feel he can talk to me so it's easier to lie. How will he change that if I'm not the person he can confide in?
After lurking on similar threads I have decided to try and protect myself financially, and start to take steps to look at the realities of separation as at this moment in time i don't believe he is capable of change but obviously time will tell and if we do stay together I will be in a better position should he revert to type...
A handhold would be nice but some impartial advice would be welcome too