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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend got someone else pregnant while our son was only three weeks old (potentially)

18 replies

bgri18 · 05/08/2019 10:56

This is going to be a little long so you will have to bare with me.
Last year when I was pregnant with my son me and my partner broke up... fast forward some months and I'm in labour at the hospital, he turned up and as soon as we had our son everything changed... I didn't get to spend much time with them both because I was rushed to theatre because i was loosing a massive amount of blood, basically I nearly died. My baby's dad aches like the birth of our son and nearly loosing me had changed things and that we was going to fix things and be a family that's together.. things were amazing for three weeks, then just over three weeks I found out he had slept with another girl... we argued things got really heavy to deal with and he didn't see me for about a month and half at all, I ended up meeting someone else and then my son fell very ill and so my baby's dad came back into our life again.. he saw I was moved on and he hated it, it apparently hurt him... so I left who I was seeing and me and my baby's dad sorted things out. We was in an "unofficial relationship" because I didn't want to label it out of fear of him hurting me again... then about a month into seeing eachother I found out that this girl he slept with when my son had barley been born is pregnant... and it's works out to be his.. he was adamant it isn't and tried to reassure me.. well now we are in the present we are fully back together officially and she has had her baby and so I looked at her Facebook to see what her baby looks like.. to only be hurt and find myself in a panic, the baby looks scarily like my son who looks just like his dad, I added her and I asked her if there's any chance it's his and I was really nice and polite, she spoke to me she said that he can have a dna test etc.. I put took a photo of her baby and put in a collage next to my baby's picture to show my boyfriend the resemblance.
He then spoke to her and she told him that she wants it to stay just between those two, she's pissed off that I took a photo of her son off her Facebook account and she's now blocked me. I feel already like I've been pushed out and my feelings are not being considered, if this baby is his then it's everything to do with me! That's my sons potential half brother and my boyfriends baby. I'm obviously in agony over this as it is and her blocking me has made me think something isn't quite right. I could understand if it was some random person that took the photo but I'm just a girl that's trying to find out if my son has a half brother and my boyfriend has another son and also trying to find out for my own mind. I don't know what to do.. if it's his baby, I couldn't ever accept that child and I know it sounds bad but if it's his then that baby is a mistake that should have never been there, me and my baby's dad were suppose to be a new family and planning our future and instead I've got a potential half brother for my son!

OP posts:
Hotpinkangel19 · 05/08/2019 11:02

This isn't her fault OP, it's your boyfriend's. To be honest I'd have blocked you too - I'd hate someone taking any photos of my baby either!

Hotpinkangel19 · 05/08/2019 11:02

This isn't her fault OP, it's your boyfriend's. To be honest I'd have blocked you too - I'd hate someone taking any photos of my baby either!

cranstonmanor · 05/08/2019 11:03

Wait a minute, so you knew she was pregnant and you both ignored her for the duration of her pregnancy and birth, she had to go through that all alone without any practical or financial help and now you feel pushed out?

cranstonmanor · 05/08/2019 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LIZS · 05/08/2019 11:04

Sorry but this is a confusing muddle you could do without. He is not committed to your ds or you. It is not up to you to make him accept the other child. Chances are he is still seeing her, and this would continue in some capacity for next 18 years assuming the child is his. Is he on the birth certificate and paying maintenance ( for either child) ?

readyforchangenow · 05/08/2019 11:09

I think you're pretty disgusting for calling the other baby a mistake. Your boyfriend is a loser and you both sound immature. I feel sorry for the babies in this

LIZS · 05/08/2019 11:20

Are there multiple similar threads?

Riverviews · 05/08/2019 11:20

Your attitude is disgusting. I hope your boyfriend is doing the right thing and supporting both his children.

He's not likely to stay with you long term so you'd better get used to that idea. Your dream of being a happy family is not going to happen

Riverviews · 05/08/2019 11:21

Your attitude is disgusting. I hope your boyfriend is doing the right thing and supporting both his children.

He's not likely to stay with you long term so you'd better get used to that idea. Your dream of being a happy family is not going to happen

MardyMavis · 05/08/2019 11:32

Get rid.. he's a disrespectful twat and you are always going to have that kid hanging over your head break or not he was shagging around unprotected what did he think would happen? Honestly end it now
It's only going to get more complicated.

catofdoom · 05/08/2019 11:39

I know it sounds bad but if it's his then that baby is a mistake that should have never been there,

I had a bit of sympathy with you until this. Leave the other poor woman alone.

catofdoom · 05/08/2019 11:39

I know it sounds bad but if it's his then that baby is a mistake that should have never been there,

I had a bit of sympathy with you until this. Leave the other poor woman alone.

catofdoom · 05/08/2019 11:39

I know it sounds bad but if it's his then that baby is a mistake that should have never been there,

I had a bit of sympathy with you until this. Leave the other poor woman alone.

Pippinsqueak · 05/08/2019 11:51

Christ I could barely function for the first 3 months let alone met new people and sleep with them!

I think her reaction reguarding the photo is justified. I would be exactly the same. You are in the wrong here.

You say you could never accept this child if it is his, then say that it has everything to do with you if it is his but unfortunately it doesn't.

At the end of the day as much as I understand you are hurt by your boyfriends potential situation HE has to sort out DNA test, and if it is his, HE has to build a relationship and contact with the child and again if it is his, then he would be the one to build a relationship with your child and potential half brother. You don't really have any say or rights on this other woman's actions or the child. That's between her and your man.

Just focus on your own baby and relationship whatever you decide to do. He's a cheat at the end of the day ...........

KatnissMellark · 05/08/2019 12:51

Honestly your BF sounds like a total scumbag, and you don't come across brilliantly yourself. He has been shagging around and flitting between partners, both if whom now have young children.

This: if it's his baby, I couldn't ever accept that child and I know it sounds bad but if it's his then that baby is a mistake that should have never been there is a pretty vile thing to say, and I expect your attitude is coming across to the other mother which is why she doesn't want you involved, and I don't blame her.

Also, completely disagree with this: if this baby is his then it's everything to do with me!. It not everything to do with you. Your bf needs to buck his ideas up, ascertain paternity and then either play his part or leave that poor woman alone.

I'd advise you to dump him, and do some reflection on how much you value yourself if you're allowing him to behave like this and remain your partner.

Dakota89 · 05/08/2019 13:23

The baby didnt chose to be conceived. It was your boyfriends choice to stick his dick into someone else and create another child. You calling another persons baby a mistake is disgusting, the only 'mistake' I see here is the actions from your partner. If you chose to play happily families with this guy that is your choice but the best thing you could do is focus on your own child and let him be a parent to both.

SwordofGryffindor · 07/08/2019 03:06

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rainsbow31 · 07/08/2019 06:36

@SwordofGryffindor we were*

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