To date or not to date?

[Fairydust84]

So, a while ago I got asked out on a date. Sounds pretty normal, right? Just so happens this guy is the ex-boyfriend of my ex-friend!

To give a background, my friend dated this guy for around a year or so whilst we were still on speaking terms. I honestly don’t know how long they stayed together after we stopped speaking but I think it was at least a year or two. My friend and I haven’t been on speaking terms for 5 or 6 years.

Back to him. So out of the blue he messaged me on social media. Started off with a “how are you” type of text but he then pretty much just went straight in and asked me on a date. I said no and my reason was that whilst I hadn’t spoken to my (ex) friend in years, there was a time when we had been close and I didn’t want to upset anyone.

However, I’ve since been told by people that I was mad to turn him down for that reason. People have stated that if I was still friends with her then obviously, you wouldn’t date an ex of hers but as we haven’t spoken, particularly as it has been years, that there shouldn’t still be that loyalty there. People have also asked that if roles were reversed, would she have done the same?

Has anyone encountered anything similar. Was I right to say no or have I potentially thrown away a potential partner for no reason?

Thanks in advance 😊

I would err on the side of caution tbh. The fact they were together when you guys were friends makes it weird & your gut told you to say no because of that. They had a relationship rather than a fling.
He could be a potential partner or he could be a potential 2 dates and it's done.
Also can he not look outside her friendship/ex friendship groups?
Could you potentially get any grief over it? Would it be worth it?

Sounds like the kind of message guys send out to many girls at a time on social media when they're bored and lonely so I'd be cautious of getting too carried away based on his approach in the first place.

If you're no longer friends with his ex I don't really see why it would be an issue if you did end up dating though

That was my thought. I’ve no idea if it could cause any grief. Especially as I don’t know whether she has since moved on or the reason for them splitting up. As mentioned it could work out or it could just be one or two dates and then it’s done. That in itself I guess is a risk. My original concern was if it would hurt her knowing that we were dating but again it’s one where unfortunately you would only know by going ahead with it. May be best to let this one go!