Al Anon- for relatives of boozers

[matahairyy]

Has anyone ever been? I’m trying my first one tomorrow

Yes - it’s brilliant.
Look for similarities rather than differences.
It has helped me enormously.

Not been but hoping to go to one next Friday. Hope it’s helpful for you

Yes. Eventually changed my life. I realised I would spend the rest of my life there beholden to exh’s drinking unless I got the balls to leave him.

Yes I would really recommend. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be when I first went, but it was enormously helpful to me.

Go with an open mind, and don't judge it on your first meeting. Keep going back and you will feel the benefit x

Yes, it was invaluable at one point. Brilliant insight by Dapplegrey about looking for similarities.I left it behind after splitting with the alcoholic that was then in my life, but I still use some of the tools I picked up to this day.

The soberrecovery.com forums were also really useful - check out the sticky posts at the top of the al-anon forum.

I still go to a support group - not the Al-Anon 'brand' but run along similar lines. Totally secular though, no higher power stuff at all.

I started going when my late H first went into rehab. I kept going after that failed, through the end of our marriage, through his death almost exactly a year ago, through my mum's constant drinking and her death in May. That group has kept me sane, kept me strong, given me the ability to do what I needed to do to protect my DDs and rebuild a happy life. These days I'm there to support other people who are in the early stages of the journey I have been through, but it's still good to be there on the bad days when the anniversaries happen.

Yeah twice. Once when my mum was still alive but drinking herself to death and once when she’d died. I didn’t say much but it was incredibly comforting not to feel so alone. I mostly just sat at the back and cried quietly. But everyone was lovely. I’m glad you’re going.

I could do with going again but I struggle hugely with energy levels and leaving the house.

It is quite helpful, but sometimes there can be clashes of characters.

The sessions where they discussed actual steps were interesting, but the ones where they were talking about the traditions and the concepts bored the crap out of me.

Also the odd time when there were just three of us, was a bit awkward!

But give it a go, it will probably help you.

Just to confirm I’m talking about the relatives’ one. It’s easy to get confused 😀. Thank you all

I’m trying to learn how to encourage my friend to be open when she’s drunk and not hide it. We would like to be able to pick her up and encourage her

Al-Anon won't teach you how to manage her. They will teach you how to manage you. Your reactions, your boundaries, your self preservation. You are still in rescuer mode and you will need to unlearn that. Let them help you help yourself - only your friend can help herself.

Yes, found it really useful, particularly the recognition in the room. Alcoholic behaviour is remarkably similar across the board.

Al-anon will teach you to step away and not enable the Alcoholic.

I am a Recovering Alcoholic,sober 16 years,so attend AA.

Also my Mother was an Alcoholic,so I have also attended Al-anon in the past.

You cannot help an Alcoholic,they have to want to help themselves.

Go and keep on going.

Its the gift that too few people know about. It is incredibly comforting.

Oh I know. But I can stop her driving etc

How was the meeting op?

So sorry pointythings you and your DCs have been through an awful lot. V hard time for you right now. X

Oh it was brilliant !! Slightly in awe of the others far more involved than me. Reassured by the concept of loving detachment and feel very positive. I’m going to take mum next time

You’re sweet to check in. Thank you

Well done for going and planning to go back. I left my first one disappointed that I didn’t have a hit list of actions to manage my relative.......then I learnt all about co-dependency.
Ayerobot can you link to the stickies please?

@pointythings, which support group do you go to? I balk at the higher power, even to the lesser degree that it's used over here vs the USA.

So glad you got a lot out it.
Al Anon saved my sanity.

LibraryMiss mine is a small local group that started out as a group run by the charity where my H was in rehab. They went under over a year ago but the group members have kept it going. We get facilitators and speakers in occasionally but mostly we offer peer support. No higher power, no steps either, just people who have been there helping others. We have a lot of knowledge and we work with local support groups like Mind. It's a very effective model and detach with love is one of the Al-Anon things we do promote.

www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/101494-classic-reading.html

I have found Al Anon incredibly helpful in the six weeks or so since my alcoholic husband left me. The people there are so brave and articulate and honest, which has been such a relief after all the crap I've been through with him.

It's just somewhere warm and welcoming and compassionate. I am so grateful to have found it.