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Original poster

Partner working away

19 replies

user1499288566 · 04/08/2019 17:31

What do you guys think about this, iv been doing it on my own for long time, taking care of everything at home ,raising our child, he constantly works away mon to fri , don't do much when he comes home. I didnt get with him have child to always be alone .feel so sad when I see other couples with their kids ,I'm always alone ,its all made me suffer with despression I'm that fed up of my life ,I love him and would hurt to see him move on , but I'm dying inside breaking

OP posts:
sunnydays78 · 04/08/2019 19:28

Have you sat him down and told him exactly what you’ve written here?

Original poster
user1499288566 · 04/08/2019 19:51

He knows how I feel but he dont want to walk away from the money ,I love him but I I carnt keep living like this, it's like I'm openly allowing years to be wasted

OP posts:
habibihabibi · 05/08/2019 01:08

Can you move to where he works or is it a remote job like on a oil rig?

thepinkp · 05/08/2019 06:22

Ahh I was in this situation for nearly two years, I look back at photos of my kids and it reminds me of the absent H who worked away and left me to it. We had money and I wanted for nothing other than to have a real family life! I hated the weekends most where people I knew had family days out and I was stuck alone week in week out with the kids. I coped well, we had fun but something was missing.. fast forward to now 4 years on and I have a whole back story of lies and deceit on my H part. Whilst I was doing the lions share he was having his cake and eating it. This has destroyed me, I'm resentful, and the man I married who thought it was perfectly acceptable to leave me parenting solo was having an affair and happily sending me stir crazy. Please speak up, tell him it's all or nothing. No one goes into parenting to end up alone but that's effectively what you are doing.. out of sight out of mind. I totally get it and know how hard it is. Hugs xx

Hotpinkangel19 · 05/08/2019 06:26

I've done this for about 12 years, I have 4 children and it can be hard when you see everyone doing family things after work. Sometimes I get upset, but mostly I'm used to it now. I get in a routine, plus I know he's working hard to provide for his family, I'm grateful that he's not got some awful hobby instead really!!!!

Ozziewozzie · 05/08/2019 06:35

Do you know any single mums? Or maybe some other partner, wives at your husbands company who perhaps feel in the same boat as you.
There really are so many people who are unable to spend weekends as family with both parents for so many reasons. You really are not alone.
Look for groups, etc as a start for meeting similar people

Original poster
user1499288566 · 05/08/2019 10:18

I'm on the edge of calling it a day, he cannot give me and end in sight to it , and I worry I'm melting the years away , sick of seeing everyone have a life but me

OP posts:
Parent999 · 05/08/2019 11:03

Many years ago I had to work away for a while, I have to say it absolutely killed me. One night I was so desperately lonely I left work early and travelled over three hours home to catch bed time and spend an hour with my [now ex] wife and then left at 4am back to work. After we split and I got a court order for our child so I had no choice but to give up any travel for work, or risk losing my child. It was incredibly hard and I had to take some serious financial risks but I did manage it because there was no choice.

Maybe if you carried the current situation through to conclusion with him he may realise how bad things could get. I guess what Im saying is anything is possible if you want it enough. Does he want it?

hannah1992 · 05/08/2019 11:17

My dh works away mon to fri most weeks. However, hes home every saturday and sunday and we do things together with the kids. It doesn't bother me that hes away during the week but if he was doing nothing on the weekends that would.

It may not be the issue that hes working away it could be more that hes not doing anything when hes there. Why dont you all go out together at the weekend? Does he not want to spend any time as a family?

Fontofnoknowledge · 05/08/2019 11:34

Does he work in one particular place ? I have a dear friend in your situation. She made the decision to up sticks and move to where he worked until the dcs had finished secondary school GCSE's- they then boarded for sixth form in UK and she came home half terms and holidays.. grandparents and aunts for weekend breaks.. is that possible for you ? Saved her marriage.

Fontofnoknowledge · 05/08/2019 11:35

Does he work in one particular place ? I have a dear friend in your situation. She made the decision to up sticks and move to where he worked until the dcs had finished secondary school GCSE's- they then boarded for sixth form in UK and she came home half terms and holidays.. grandparents and aunts for weekend breaks.. is that possible for you ? Saved her marriage.

Fontofnoknowledge · 05/08/2019 11:35

Does he work in one particular place ? I have a dear friend in your situation. She made the decision to up sticks and move to where he worked until the dcs had finished secondary school GCSE's- they then boarded for sixth form in UK and she came home half terms and holidays.. grandparents and aunts for weekend breaks.. is that possible for you ? Saved her marriage.

notso · 05/08/2019 11:40

My DH works away Monday to Friday. It is difficult but we make it work.
When he took over the role we discussed the potential impact on our relationship and what we could do to limit damage.

We try and go out together on a Friday either for a late lunch if he's home early or drinks if he's later.
He takes the kids to activities on Saturday mornings then we do sport together.

I am not working, I know becoming a SAHM is often slated on MN but I know I would struggle mentally with working and taking over everything at home too. Dh has done as much as he can to make me feel secure.

notso · 05/08/2019 11:40

My DH works away Monday to Friday. It is difficult but we make it work.
When he took over the role we discussed the potential impact on our relationship and what we could do to limit damage.

We try and go out together on a Friday either for a late lunch if he's home early or drinks if he's later.
He takes the kids to activities on Saturday mornings then we do sport together.

I am not working, I know becoming a SAHM is often slated on MN but I know I would struggle mentally with working and taking over everything at home too. Dh has done as much as he can to make me feel secure.

justgotbanned · 05/08/2019 12:16

My partner works away Mon-Friday. I have two children from a previous relationship but they don't see their father and have very much come under my partners wing. It doesn't bother the eldest in the slightest, but every Monday I go through the same routine where she walks around the house calling his name and asking for it. She's done this for 6 years!

As for me, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. We have our own routine, the girls have their activities, I get to watch what I want on TV. In fact, he was recently offered a role which would see him home midweek, but that would mean me switching the girls activities to ensure we were home, actually cooking him tea and making an effort 😂.

We make up for it on weekends. We put 💯 into the girls, try to have nice days out. We also try and have some "us" time, although this is rare so when we do get that time it's lovely.

If you really can't adjust to it, rather than ending the relationship, ask him to change jobs. If he loved you, I'm sure he wouldn't want to lose you over a job.

justgotbanned · 05/08/2019 12:18

^my youngest looks around the house for him.

Original poster
user1499288566 · 05/08/2019 13:54

He does not work in one set place it changes, he doesn't want to do anything when he is home ,if we do its tiny things, getting food shop for weekend, maybe taking lil one swimming ,he sits on his phone alot ,or dozzes off on sofa, he will moan he has been travelling all week etc , my daughter at times acts like she doesn't want him there ,because she use to just me and her, I dont feel he does enough financially either ,its like when he is away I'm left to deal with whatever happens at home

OP posts:
billy1966 · 05/08/2019 14:02

It doesn't sound like you are getting anything from the relationship.
He sounds very selfish and your DD has picked up on his selfishness and is not depending on him for emotional support.

He sounds extremely checked out of the relationship.

Get yourself organised.
Decide what and where suits you best.
Then organise yourself to move on.
Get your financials in order.

Don't waste anymore time.

Good luck.

Original poster
user1499288566 · 05/08/2019 15:35

I think I have no choice but to call it, which guts me ,because I do love him,and the thought of him possibly with someone else in future hurts, but this right now is no life

OP posts:
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