Falling for my fwb

[letsmovethefuckon]

Hi

Separated from my stbeh for many months.

Met a lovely guy quite by chance in person a number of months ago. He's going through a divorce too. For clarity, we met after we'd both split from each other's partners. I friend requested him on fb after we met and we both made it clear to each other this was a sex thing and nothing more.

We've met about 4 times since then. I'd had a fair bit to drink the first 3 times. The last time, I didn't and the sex was utterly out of this world. He did things to me I didn't know my body could do.

I know, I know, I know I need to keep calm but the way he acts with me makes me feel like there's something more.

I've got a horrible divorce ahead of me. Found out earlier this year my H cheated on me for over half of our 15 year relationship. We've 3 little kids. There's a lot to sort. Same kind of situation for him.

It sort of feels like not a fwb but that's the basis we agreed we'd go forward from the beginning.

But I just can't help the way I'm feeling.

I'm seeing him again tomorrow for a few hours of scheduled sex.

I'm not going to say anything to him unless he says it to me first, but I can see me getting madder and madder about him.

Not sure what I'm asking for, but is/has anyone been in the same situation? Going a bit insane here.

OP, both of you have a lot going on, you both are aware of this.

Having an enjoyable sexual release is good for you if it helps you to keep it altogether and it supports you.

However, if you cannot control how you feel and decide to tell him and ask for him to reframe the relationship, I think you could lose it.

I would think you either rein it in and enjoy what you have or it could very well go up in smoke.

Best of luck.

I know. I can't afford to lose what I've got.

He's done my self esteem a massive amount of good.

I won't tell him how I'm feeling.

Just feel a bit lost.

I'm sorry you are feeling lost. It sounds like you have a huge amount to carry.

On the positive, finding someone who makes you feel good about yourself for a few hours on a regular basis is a great boost for you.

Enjoy your "me time". Try not to spoil it as I think you will be furious with yourself if you do.

Perhaps view it as "therapy". You can't have a relationship with your therapist but you can feel a huge benefit from seeing one.

Enjoy this, keep your powder dry and accept it for what it is.

Best of luck.

Op - I think you are confusing a strong sexual energy for something else.
And also - given that you both are going through something hard - of course you both crave human connection as well...

So - you don’t really have feelings for a man you barely know. You just met a friendly soul in equally difficult situation who you have great sexual with.

With time - this may or may not develop into something else.
For now - just enjoy and focus on the divorce

You're all right.

Will report back after tomorrow.

Same happened to me and l ended up as a love sick puppy who was obsessed for ages. Initially it did a lot for my self esteem but in the end it left me feeling used and rubbish because l had such strong feelings for him which were minor reciprocated. It hurt like crazy. You need to monitor your emotions really carefully, be honest with yourself and walk away if it becomes too hot to handle. It's so easy to kid yourself that casual is okay when in reality many people can't handle it, myself included.

@Intheheat
Wise perspective there👍