Emotional affair

[wotNtarnation]

What exactly is an emotional affair? What is the difference between an emotional affair and a friendship? Can a man and a woman ever just be good friends in your opinion? I've noticed that a lot of what two women would do together is turned into an "emotional affair" if it's between a man and a woman. Why is that?

I think for it to be an affair, there has to be desire. So if a man and a woman are 'just good friends' but are extremely attracted to eachother, then they are playing with fire really. A lot of people will kid themselves that just because nothing physical has happened, they haven't 'done anything wrong.' But you have to ask yourself, if your partner knew your feelings, would they be happy about the nature of the contact you have with that other person? It's about self awareness and honesty.

I think that’s the clue, would you be happy to be 100% open about this with your partner , do you mention the calls/texts/meet ups in an open way

I agree I can't tell the difference either! I have really good male friends but I'm guessing the problem arises when its kept a secret. My fiance knows I'm friends with them, and I would gladly show him any correspondence

It’s about the intent between one or the other. I was in a friendship with a guy and we text all the time.... from very early in the morning to evening. Although nothing we said was inappropriate my feelings about him switched. I’ve had to really pull back from him and we’re now back on straight friendship footing with only occasional text messages and meets for coffee. Someone else could message the same amount and have none of those issues with feelings. Because it’s so difficult to identify from the outside some people get paranoid and suspicious and want to shut down any friendships between men and women on the basis that feelings may develop.

I think when you start telling the man things that you wouldn't tell your husband and when you're keeping your contact with the man a secret then there's a problem.

I think it’s all about honesty being open and upfront if it becomes secretive and hidden and things are being shared with the friend that you wouldn’t want your partner to see or know then for me it’s crossed the boundaries of a friendship

I believe unless you’ve been involved in an emotional affair yourself, you can’t truly understand them. Before I was, I wouldn’t have believed this was a real thing or could be considered cheating.

The real difference between platonic friendships and an EA in my experience really boils down to attraction (unspoken or otherwise), romantic feelings and secrecy.
I have lots of female friends through work that I text and speak to daily (during work and after) and there is a palpable difference between how I feel and interact with them and how I was with an EA partner. There is a closeness and a very strong ‘crush’/infatuation feeling where your mind is on them all the time. If both parties experience this and you’re in regular contact without your spouse knowing - you’re in an EA.

If only you feel like this and the other party doesn’t have romantic feelings for you, you’re basically just infatuated with someone and this can’t be considered cheating IMO.

As others have said the differences between an platonic friendship and an emotional affair is where 2 people are sharing intimate information, they keep their friendship a secret from their partner and there's an attraction there. These relationships damage marriages because of the secrecy and intimacy of them.

I think unless you would be ok with your partner knowing the frequency of communication and all of the content then there's an issue.

Of course with my female friends I don't want my partner to see all the messages, hear the conversations either, but that is different, as there's no risk of me developing romantic or sexual feelings towards them or vice versa.

You shouldn't confide in someone of the opposite sex about relationship problems (unless they are a family member), or even certain other personal issues as these kinds of chats are likely to increase bonding, and it's natural for men and women to develop feelings for each other when they bond.

Also in an emotional affair people will get a rush or thrill out of the communication, often daydream about the person and a possible future, and if they tried to give up the relationship would probably seriously struggle and obsess over it. That's the difference between an emotional affair and platonic friendship.

For my part it is absolutely 100% platonic. I'm completely open and honest with my husband about our chats, our meetings (work together) etc. He isn't. I have another thread about his wife and her jealousy. Could it be an emotional affair on his part? We don't say anything flirty or that I wouldn't be comfortable sharing with the world. As far as I am aware he keeps it secret for an easy life as his wife would always assume that we are having an affair. So is this an emotional affair or not?

When you say on your part it’s 100% platonic are you saying you have zero feelings beyond friendship?

Why is it so important to you to know whether it’s an emotional affair on his part or not? Why does it matter?

Why is it so important to you to know whether it’s an emotional affair on his part or not? Why does it matter?

This. You seem very invested in this OP, given this and your other thread.

It sounds to me like you want this man to be interested in you, OP. are you being honest with yourself here?

I think that’s the clue, would you be happy to be 100% open about this with your partner , do you mention the calls/texts/meet ups in an open way not if youre partner is controlling

There’s a difference in the excitement you get for someone you are romantically involved with and what you get with a friend. Everyone knows that feeling. The thrill when a text message arrives. The extra care about how you look. The desire to share news with them first. Wanting to share experiences and having i things just between the two of you.

And with all due respect you might not feel that for your friend but he may feel differently about you. The person most likely to notice is his wife.