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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please support me

23 replies

dancemusicsexromance · 04/08/2019 02:08

I just need some support.
I’ve been with my husband for nearly 30 years. I’m 46!
He’s always been a liar, violent on. occasions, he made me think his depression and actions was the reason for his wrong doings.
So I stepped-up, I helped him.
I cared for him, worked harder treated him like a person that needed to get better because that would be better than accepting he is a not nice person .
He had a “breakdown” 4 years ago excessive porn, violence, lying.......and i paid for therapy, looked after our two children stepped up! Tried to make him better.
My sons best friend was murdered last December, My dad died also in December, my step dad of 30 years has months left to Live. I lost my job, my BPD daughter was at rock bottom and since December when I realised i was at rock bottom, on tablets and functioning rather than living I’ve gathered ever bit of strength and changed my job to fit in with my kids school, I’ve been at the hospital Every day, I’ve worked 3 days a week, cleaned the rest my of the week and supported my family. I was winning.
I always open my Post on a Friday. It’s my day off, I sit down open it and pay it, file it it or bin it!
I opened the post yesterday after visiting the hospital and my husband was making tea.
I saw a penalty notice as my husbands car had been in a car park for 3 hours and it was only allowed 90 mins.
I couldn’t eat and waited and then asked him where he was last fri.
Work he said!!
Then I confronted him with the penalty notice and said “no you were 49 miles away”
He stuttered for half an hour and said he had to see a supplier, he didn’t tell me as I get angry that he doesn’t claim Milage. He said he couldn’t find the supplier so he parked up at a McDonald’s and used their WiFi and worked.
I sort of believed this due to his anxiety. Spent the night cuddling him.
Woke up and I thought that if he was due to meet a supplier and he was lost he would have entered it on google maps. Asked him to go through his phone and he was surprised that the supplier was not on google Maps.
I went to work for 2 hours and when I got home my daughter said she had heard our conversation (she’s 22) and asked me if I believe him.
I said of course!
She asked me to get my husbands phone and
She would check his locations because he has been strange for weeks.
He handed over the phone confidently and my daughter sent me his locations for the last 10 days.
Sorry to go on so long!
He’s been having an affair and he has “feelings” for this other women
He came clean and told me, he said he has feelings for her.
He’s met her twice.???
I don’t care if it’s twice or a million times.
He is the best dad in
The world, he acts like he worships us all, When He told me he has feelings for another woman I just said I didn’t want to know the details and he has crossed a line (my line ) and asked him to leave.
He left.
I know I have to be on my own now/
But I’m Frightened.
I’ve been so calm! It was the last thing I thought he Would do.
I did say he was weak to allow a thing to progress into an affair and he was disrespectful and weak.
I’m on a DMP and own my house. With only £100 equity and £40k of debt........What do I do now??? Please help me deal with this maturely:’i want to howl and die.?i felt so low. I want to die. I don't j wi what to do. Please help.

OP posts:
StrawberryDaiquiriPlease · 04/08/2019 02:14

I'm sure there is a good way to move forward. Deep breath. You have a lovely sensible daughter. Try to relax and get some sleep and start making a to do list tomorrow.

Windmillwhirl · 04/08/2019 02:47

He doesn't sound like a great dad at all. Why are you sugar coating it? He sounds like a spoilt manchild.

dancemusicsexromance · 04/08/2019 06:18

He is not being a good father.
I don't think he is at all. Through all his issues that was his "label" everyone said how good he was with his kids. He walked straight past them last night.
He didn't take the responsible route before he crossed the line. He lied and cheated. I just feel totally over whelmed.

OP posts:
Newmumma83 · 04/08/2019 06:29

Emotionally:- it’s going to hurt... take each day as it comes ... but if you have managed to support that drain on your energy then eventually you are going to realise how low maintenance you are going to be ... a weight has been lifted in some respects but it is a loss / time to grieve what perhaps you had before that made you marry him

Financially:- work out what goes out and what comes in, look to see if you can consolidate / reduce interest rates on debts if the £40k debt is all mortgage for example when was the last time you checked to see what rate you are on ... call your bank and look at options, make sure your on the best deals for home insurance / electric / tv packages ... get the comparison websites / check out utility warehouse and save where you can ( your daughter can )

Give yourself some breathing room and tackle one thing at a time ... you have been picking yourself and a dead weight up all these years ... you are a warrior woman it’s just he has taken all your energy.

I am sure you love him and have invested but look after you now and and let this fool dig his own hole ❤️❤️

Newmumma83 · 04/08/2019 06:30

Sorry meant to put your daughter can help ❤️

dancemusicsexromance · 04/08/2019 06:41

Thank you. I have screen shot that and you are right.
He is a dead weight.
I'm just floored. I've loved him, been faithful to him and tried my best for 30 years.
We had a life, plans and he knew my feelings about cheating.
The day is skipped work to be with her I was buying his holiday things.
Not that it makes an iota of difference now but I went to bed praying he will regret this.

OP posts:
dancemusicsexromance · 04/08/2019 06:42

I feel old, past it and too weary to start again. Even just to function next week seems too over whelming.

OP posts:
hormonesorDHbeingadick · 04/08/2019 06:48

It won’t feel like this now but a violent relationship is not good for you for the children. In a few years you will be glad this happened.

dancemusicsexromance · 04/08/2019 06:49

He won't though will he?
He wouldn't have told me if he had any doubts.
He left his kids and wife and ignored his sons tears.
Today I'm going to wallow and tomorrow I will be practical.
Just seems to frightening to deal with.
Yesterday before all of this he said he knew how much I loved him and he wouldn't have got through the last 30 years mentally without my support.
I really thought he loved me - 60 minutes before he told me he was being unfaithful he was sitting in the hospital telling my step dad how he was looking forward to his holiday in a week. I'm just staggered.

OP posts:
MrsMozartMkII · 04/08/2019 06:51

It is going to feel overwhelming. You need to be kind to yourself. Can you take some time off work?

dancemusicsexromance · 04/08/2019 06:52

He hasn't been violent for 4 years.
He said it was because he was depressed.
I posted about this before under a different name - then it was deleted.
He strangled me until I passed out.
He ended up being sectioned and the mental health team told me he was ill.
So I believed that. And it kind of made me feel better. There was a reason.
I KNIOW in years to come I will look back and think thank god but now the pain is indescribable.

OP posts:
dancemusicsexromance · 04/08/2019 06:56

It's a new job so I really can't.
I'm off in a week so can take some time then.
I want to sell the house quickly.
My kids can help me get it ready. Pay my debts and start again.
I've read these posts for years and thought how can the women not know. My husband actually went to the dr as he felt so depressed and I was busting a gut to look after him as I was worried.
He's weak and today he may feel like he's free but long term he may have regrets.

OP posts:
MrsMozartMkII · 04/08/2019 06:59

Use the pain and the energy from it to get your house on the market. Get your finances in order.

This is the first step, albeit a hard one, to a life you deserve lass.

dancemusicsexromance · 04/08/2019 07:01

How could he do this?
This has been the hardest year of my life.
I feel like an utter fool.
I'm embarrassed and frightened.

OP posts:
Newmumma83 · 04/08/2019 07:52

You have nothing to feel foolish about
To be honest i think Long run he has done you a favour ... he has released you from a lifetime of depression... you can now look after you instead of trying to pour yourself into someone that no longer deserves your efforts

Try not to focus too much on how he is doing... I think we all have a habit of measuring another’s happiness after a break up as a reflection on whose fault it is / our self worth ... in all honesty he has the easier path right now he has someone waiting to comfort him he has lined up his next support / emotional crutch ... but I can’t see you being able to keep up the pace of support you offered for your whole life it wasn’t a good relationship in the end time for fresh growth and renewed energy x x x

Karwomannghia · 04/08/2019 08:17

It sounds like your dd can see what’s going on quite clearly and wants you to be free of him. I hope that she can be a support for you and it can be a comfort to you to know she’s fine.
Hopefully after this initially shock you can start to live a life for yourself.

dancemusicsexromance · 04/08/2019 08:32

She's amazing. She's been telling me for years he doesn't deserve us and our support.
Just a long hard road ahead I guess.

OP posts:
barryfromclareisfit · 04/08/2019 08:43

Just to say, I split up wth the ex long ago. But dd, then aged four, and I would sit on the stars and howl whenever we felt like it. Some things just need howling about. Good luck. Be strong when you can and howl when you must.

Karwomannghia · 04/08/2019 08:46

I hope it’s not a long hard road, it could end up a lot easier than you fear.

xsamix86 · 04/08/2019 10:06

Honestly u have done the hardest bit and told him to leave. Take a few days to grieve as it is a loss, but then yes, u need to get practical. Sort out the bills etc as someone said. Check all ur utilities and see wat u can save. Also see if u are entitled to any benefits to help u out. Ur DD sounds amazing, and lean on her for a little support it sounds like she has her head screwed on and u have raised a wonderful daughter. U have given so much of ur self to this man who has treated u very shabbily, illness or no illness. Write down everything he has done to u. Keep the list close and read it, let it give u strength to see everything u have dealt with, and also not to cave and allow him back. U deserve so much more than the life he gave u! Take care and be kind to ur self.

dancemusicsexromance · 04/08/2019 18:57

It's as if my brain can't compute what's happened and that there's no going back ever. I feel totally and utterly numb.

I know it's very early days but I have just been feeling so overwhelmed.

He's done some revolting things to me and I've accepted it all and made excuses for him and it feel like I'm only just realising just how bad it was now.
Why did I accept it? Why did I rationalise it and go back for more?
I have the strangest feeling when the practical things are sorted I will feel nothing but relief. The sadness I feel is for our plans for the future but even those were made by me he contributed nothing. His actions have been telling me very loudly he didn't want to put any effort in.
I'm sad for the old me who allowed all of this.

OP posts:
Fonduefrolics · 04/08/2019 19:56

You can get through this. It might take a little time, but you will and there’s a better life waiting for you x

Lots of us have been there and made it to the other side when it felt impossible at the time.

You accepted things because you loved him and thought you could work it out. Don’t be hard on yourself and try to look forward and not try to dwell on the past.

looondonn · 04/08/2019 19:59

Total loser

So sorry

He has been abusing you
Gaslighting you

And turns out cheating??

YOUR LIFE IS ABOJT TO GET A MILLION TIMES BETTER

trust me ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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